Holy Crap – its hot in here! That, gentle readers is just the beginning of the insanity that is mentalpause. Mine was surgically induced and thinking back, I probably would not have had the surgery, despite the dreaded female issues I had (the kind that scares male supervisors lol).

I wish to god I didnt know now, the things I didnt know then.

Can you imagine what its like waking up in the middle of the night, soaking wet from sweat? To the point where you have to change pillow cases? Or – humbly sitting at the bar, or walking thru the grocery store and the internal blast furnace starts up. Blast furnace? Yes dear readers, thats what a woman in mentalpause goes thru. You can feel it starting and the heat slowly rises to your head and then you can feel heat coming off you in waves. I’ve been known to stand in the cooler to try and cool down. and No – I dont care what anyone thinks about it. All I know is that I’m hot, and about to spontaneously combust if  I cant cool down asap!  Have you any idea what its like to get out of a shower, feeling great and clean – only to start sweating within 5 minutes? Dont ask me about blowdrying my hair…  I sleep with the bedroom window open in the dead of winter, when its in the 10’s – and I’m sleeping in a tank top, light sheet and light thermal blanket. Grumps – piles all the covers on him and then heads out for the couch cause “its an icebox in here”. Um, honey, no – its not. Thats not even balmy to me!

Then there is the mental aspect of mentalpause. Your hormones are no longer being produced (if you had the total hysterectomy like I did) and your emotions run the gamut from being a sociopathic psycopath to a suicidal psycopath lol. I seem to have become an absolute nutcase lol.

Ahh emotions. I have decided that there are several levels to the mentalpause psychosis. I posted this for some friends of mine a few weeks ago, but decided it needs to be tweaked a bit.

Defcon 1 is the least of your worries. You’re moody, prone to crying for no reason and you’re warm. Not really warm, but its starting… .

Defcon 2. It gets a little scary here. Night sweats, insomnia (dont get me started) and hotflashes. Your moods will change without notice and you start to feel out of sorts with not only yourself, but the rest of humanity.

Defcon3. DANGER. Anger starts and is not easily controllable. The blast furnace has turned on, and if you are like me, if you know someone who has a walk in fridge – they will become your best friend. But the blast furnace doesnt have a schedule, it hits out of nowhere… You’re still extremely moody and becoming a sociopathic psychopath. Those of the empathic persuasion know this and keep their distance.

Defcon4. DANGER, DANGER. Rage. Depression. Mass homicide sounds like a good idea – and god help the cop that tries to interfere. You WILL be able to take his gun and shoot him with it as you, in the midst of mentalpause psychosis, have the strength of 100 woman. You will be able to make a grown man cry, embarassed, or not hit on you once you look at him and he see’s the insanity in your eyes, barely masking the rage. Trust me – a Defcon 4 look will stop anyone from hitting on you. Even a big scary biker. Again, trust me… *seg*

Defcon5. Please hope you never make it this far. Death is no longer an option – its a necessity. You Will Kill. Any and all who dare to piss you off, look at you funny or dare touch you. Road rage got nothin on mentalpause. This is where cop assisted suicide comes in lol cause you’ve decided that “they” must go and you’ll go down shooting, with a smile on your face. I’ve come close a few times.

When a woman hits Defcon3 and up, the men in their lives need to tread carefully. Bringing us chocolate in a subservient manner, then backing away slowly when the goods have been delivered is a suggestion. Also running in a serpentine manner as fast as you can when you see the insanity in our eyes is highly suggested. Our aim at this time, is lethal.

I had my hyst 2 years ago and while its had its moments, its not something I would choose to do again. What really makes me angry though is the fact that Eve ate the apple, giving women their monthly flow, pain in childbirth and assorted and sundry other irritating things. I do know one thing though, when its time for me to go Home, the first thing I’m going to do is look up Eve and punch that bitch in the face for doing this to me. And the line starts HERE *pointing behind me*.

Another thing bugs me about mentalpause. HRT. (hormone replacement therapy). I do NOT agree with it and will not use it. Why? you ask? A) i’m 43. B) i smoke. Professionally. More and more things are coming out against HRT and I’m glad. I dont particularly like “organized medicine” – i prefer and use holistic, naturalpathic meds. Im a recovering pagan and do still prefer the holistic approach to medicine. I’ll get into that later though. But, the reason i was saying this is that mentalpause symptoms can be relieved to some extent by drinking soy milk (chocolates best) or eating soy nuts, and taking black cohosh twice a day (these mimic estrogen in your body). Those are tried and true remedies for mentalpause. They wont make the symptoms go away, but it will make life somewhat bearable. There are a couple of pagan sites with much information on holistic/naturopathic meds/herbs that I highly recommend and will eventually post in my favorites links. THIS BEING SAID – DO NOT START ANY HERBAL TREATMENTS WITHOUT YOUR DOCTORS KNOWLEDGE/CONSENT. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF!!!

I’ve chosen to look at mentalpause with amusement, rather than anger. Why? its easier on your mental state and if you really think about it, it is kinda funny lol. You’ll be sitting/standing there and out of nowhere you’ll say HOT HOT HOT (I hope you dont get the shakes/dizziness with the flashes like I do). You’ll go over to your best friends house and turn all the fans on you! If you have long hair like I do, you wear it up, darn near all the time (i’ve considered shaving my head… 😉 ). I also keep an emergency cold pack with me in my purse. Thank you Medic Team at wallyworld – I owe ya lol! Keeping a bunch of paper towels with you to mop up the sweat is also a good thing lol. Dont even get me started on the stray whiskers lmsao.

Sadly, this is what every woman has to look forward to, and it breaks my heart that minime will go thru this eventually. But mentalpause, like everything else in life will affect you only to the extent that you allow it. You can choose to be “a victim”, bemoaning your situation, or you can laugh at it and make the best of it.

I’ve chosen to laugh at it. But I wonder now, why cant I find our guns??? Hmmmmm. Methinks I dont give grumps enough credit… lol.

Mentalpause. Its not your mothers gig anymore.