Good morning gentle readers! I again apologize for the lack of posts, but when one is working, that takes priority, even over being a starving writer!

While the title of the post may not be a song title or lyric (betcha didnt guess that one lol) – im in bar story mode again! And boy oh boy have i put a hurtin on myself lol.

So… patti and i are at the bar several months ago when we first started going to the bar we go to now. We’re having a great time and i am somewhat toasted (d@mn shots lol). My curfew is up, its time to go home, BUT, i needed a pack of smokes. So its off to the store we go.

Patti pulls into a parking space and i get out of the car and start walking to the door when all of a sudden, i’m on my hands and knees. (i forgot to step up…). I actually had to think about it for a second – how did i get here? (oh there’s another post in teh future lol). I do the internal check to make sure there are no injuries and look back at the car. Mistake number 1. ok 2. The look of abject horror and shock on patti’s face sent me off into gales of laughter. I couldnt move – all i could do was, what i do best, point and laugh. I was then asked by some citizen if i was ok – and i told him i was fine – and lost it again lol. I really do have an awful sense of humour!

I finally pick myself up off the ground and go into the store for smokes. Alls well, cept my knee hurt. Aint no biggie, i spent my childhood with scraped knee’s lol. And i really scraped it this time!

The next morning however. . . i can not walk. Somehow during the fall, i managed to severely break one of my toes. Its not only broken, but swollen 3 times its normal size. And i’m sure i have no idea how i broke Frankentoe.

Frankentoe I say? Yes gentle readers, my toe’s new name is Frankentoe – basically because it took 3 months for most of the swelling to go down and my toe now lists to starboard. I can not bend Frankentoe anymore lol. I dont think i ever will be able to bend it again lol. Fortunately, this is not my toe ring toe so i can dig it. I also apparently broke a few of the teeny tiny bones in my foot, judging from the bruising that appeared… lol.

Now i’ve gone out of my way over the course of my misspent life to be careful and not break any bones. I do not like pain. I abhore pain. That being said, i’ve now broken 4 toes.

4 toes? But Jen, you said you only broke Frankentoe.

Yes gentle reader, thats what i did and said. However… when the gruesome twosome were tiny, they were playing in the dining room and i heard a loud CRASH. Being the mom i am, i was up and running before i knew what was up. I used the post dividing the kitchen to the family room as a fulcrum (is that the right word??) swinging myself around at full speed to make it thru the kitchen.

What i didnt count on though was the doorway to the dining room. Well, actually the doorjam. As i’m running thru the kitchen to the dining room At.Full.Speed, i apparently missed my mark and SLAM – i kicked the door jam with my right foot – the last 3 toes. I knew this was going to be BAD and waited for the pain to hit the graymatter, while surveying the cause of my destruction. My kids had made a fort, and the chair fell over.

By this time – WHAM ungodly pain hits the gray matter and i’m screaming, jumping up and down holding my right foot and my kids looked at me like i’d lost my mind. I totally destroyed pinky toe and the one next to it – the nails will never grow correctly again lol. That took several months to heal lol.

So – back to the bar. Patti and i are sitting there enjoying the afternoon when i decide i need to go to the loo. Forgetting the fact that my legs are rather long, i “cross over” one leg to get off my barstool – only to hit my knee in the most agonizing spot ever (which has been nailed by every desk i’ve sat at in corporate america). Before i knew it, i was off the chair, limping and muttering dire curses and threats. I was in enough pain that i was either going to ralph, or punch someone in the head lol. Paul looks at me, limping back and forth and asks, devilishly… “did you hit your knee”?

AARRGGHHH WHAT DO YOU THINK!!!

So now i’m painting stables with some friends. I apparently have balance issues lol and every once in a while, the crew would hear FALLING and see me trying to regain my balance. It usually worked, except when i fell off the rock. I was down (and shocked) before i could even utter a word, and in true jenny fashion, laughing my A$$ off. I somehow managed to obtain yet another bruise. A day later, grumpy and i are shopping when he asked what happened? i thought he saw the paint still on my arm and said, uh, honey, i’m painting. He chuckled and said not that – whats with the bruise?

I look down at my arm and there is a lovely bruise forming (sigh). I laughed and said i fell off a rock. He looked at me lovingly and said idiot!

I’ve been known to try and get off the couch, lose my balance and whale my leg against the corner of the couch – which leaves a HUGE bruise on my leg lol.

It makes me wonder now – all those years i have little memory of i never “broke” anything and now, as a quasi sober jen, i’m banging the bejeebers outta myself!

Which reminds me, i need to teach Pete Frisbee 101 so he can toss the friz with peanut, the Bark Knight. Why did my tales of woe remind me of that? Who’s to say – i just go with the flow lol. Thats part of the fun of sream of consciousness writing i guess.

Apparently, my pain is everyone elses amusement… *seg*

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