I weaken with each voice that sings. Now, in this world of purchase, Im going to buy back memories, to awaken some old qualities.

I am a big fan of Collective Soul – and Run is one of my favorite tunes.  Its a beautiful song, with a beautiful melody, with intriguing lyrics at the same time.  What is the purpose?  Is this the prize i’ve waited for? Is there a cure for this processed sanity that is our world today?

When i look at the world around me – see the sheeple wandering around lost and without a sheepdog to guard them,  i do not see a cure for the processed sanity.  Perhaps the sheeple have become too complacent in that they are unable to think for themselves and need someone to do it for them.  As i sit here reading that, i find i am horrified.  Horrified that people would give up the right to think, actually THINK FOR THEMSELVES without fear.

As you know – music is my life, my muse – and that which keeps me sane lol.  I do weaken with each voice that sings – because what is sung today is sad.  Yes, i am a closet headbanger etc etc etc – but… deep within me is the classic rock dead head who will not give up, will not give in.  Somewhere within me is hope.  In the cockles of my heart, maybe even the subcockles, but its there.   But i do not see hope out in the world today.

Our society is indeed a world of purchase. Buy what you cant afford and pay for it later – or better yet, let the taxpayers bail you out.  But what can not be bought is memories – wait – i am wrong.  Memories are purchased by virtue of how you feel about that memory in particular.  Sometimes the price you have to pay for the memory is high and you alone have to decide whether the cost is worth it.  I have memories that are wide open scars and remembering them is like pouring salt on an open wound.  However, when reconciling ones past as it were, you have to pay the piper.  Boy is my tab high.

I am in the process of awakening some old qualities  – the thoughts, ideals and hey – the fun that made me me *bg*.  I was lost there for a long time.  Somewhere along the line, i lost track (mentalpause didnt help that one whit) and now i am trying to find out what *I* am.  Considering i hadnt planned on living past 21, and now i find myself at 43, i am confused.  I cant figure out this world.  I dont understand the sheeple.  I still wonder, is it worth it.  Is it worth the pain?  Is it worth watching my fellow man be led down the wide road to hell?

Processed sanity is bad.  There is no room for dissenting opinions, it gives us a bland world where there is no colour, no joy, no hope and no music (real music).  And i find myself running towards the finish line, only to find that someone keeps moving the damn thing.  I dont want to live in a colourless, joyless, musicless world with sheeple far to apathetic to shake themselves free of the prison they have made for themselves.  But its not time for me to go Home yet, and there is nothing i can do to help the sheeple out of their prison.  I tell myself there is a purpose.  There has to be a purpose.  But only God knows why.  (it’d be really nice if He let me in on at least a little bit of it, to help clear the confusion).

The prize i’m waiting for is at the finish line, when i get Home.  I have to content myself with that.

And I’ve got a long way to run.