surely make you lose your mind…..

That gentle readers, is literally the story of my life.  I truly lived this song lol which is probably the reason i hate it so much and wont listen to it when it comes  on the radio.  Some memories are truly open gaping wounds and some songs are the salt poured into it.

That being said lol, why am i using this song title as my blog entry?  Well gentle readers, i got to have my first (goddammit i hate this keyboard) and hopefully last stress echo test. (Its the big one elizabeth, im coming home!!!  lol watch sanford and son for that little bit… ;0)

But Jenny – why did you have to have a cardiac test?

Weeeelll, i’ve been having some rather severe chest pains.  I  ruled out the normal causes, indigestion, anxiety and googled womens heart attack symptoms.  When i got to 4… i figured hey, i may be onto something.  I didnt care enough to make a doc appt for it, but told him anyway when i had my appointment last week.  He said, and i quote – Jenny, you’re not getting any younger.  Uh – thanks doc lol.

But jenny, you’re only 44, why did you need the test????

Lol – well considering my misspent youth (ok, life), and personally funding several south american drug lords, i figure that i’ve probably done some serious damage to the old ticker.  Jesus H Christ i hate this keyboard.  No – i wont go into details about my um, er past hobbies, but suffice it to say, if it could go up my nose or be cooked and smoked, i did it and i did it in enormous quantities.  Thank god however that i dont do that crap no mo., and i’ve never looked back.  LOL i am the living commercial – this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs!  (i still to this day hear the sizzling sound…).

This is one of the lyrics  which really put this in perspective:

Eager for action hot for the game
The calling attraction the drop of the name
They knew all the right people
They took all the right pills
They threw outrageous parties
They paid heavenly bills
There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face
She pretended not to notice she was caught up in the race
Out every evening until it was light
He was too tired to make it she was too tired to fight about it

I threw seriously outrageous parties (those stories i will tell lol – i WAS the hostess with the mostess) and am now paying heavenly bills for my past escapades.  And i was exceedingly good at pretending not to notice…

But back to the stress test…  I had to answer a few questions prior to the test – and this is where my demented sense of humour came into play.  I was asked:

Do you smoke:  happily
Are you pregnant:  OH HELL NO
What bra size do you wear (?????):  I dont know, i dont wear one.

C’mon – really???  I mean really – does it  really matter what size harness i at times have to wear?  Ye gads.

The test itself wasnt all that bad, i was actually bored for the first 9 minutes of the test, the treadmill, which my father insisted i wouldnt have to use, was just not fast enough for me, even though i was breathing heavily.  The PA said – still want to smoke?  Oh hell yes was my response lol.  It wasnt until i hit the 3rd incline and it sped up that i felt like i was getting a workout and i told hte techs  YES NOW THATS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, OOHRAH!  still couldnt breath though lol.

I did finish the test and exceeded the heart rate they assigned to me (148) – i think i made it to 160+.  The one tech allowed me to look at the ultrasound pics of my heart – and that i found most fascinating.  It was so cool seeing my heart pumping (ok, really pumping, it was post test afterall lol).  I dont know the results and wont find out till doc calls me and lets me know.

I just hope im looking at the big one soon!  LOL – at registration, i was asked if i have a living will.  I have one somewhere, and have made my DO NOT RESUSCITATE  wishes known to everyone who matters and god help the jackass who brings me back when its my turn.  I Will Be Angry.  But i told the registration lady to put DNR in big red letters on my account lol.  *note to self – self, revise your living will….*

The one thing i find most interesting of all about this is, every time i had the severe chest pains, kilo and pez KNEW and would come sit with me, as if they knew something was wrong.  Methinks we give our furry kids way to little credit.

They were rushing down that freeway,
Messed around and got lost
They didnt care they were just dieing to get off and it was
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind