I can't imagine anything that's better
The world is ours whenever we're together

Today is definatly a groovin day, schlepping around in my jammies, robe and slippers just groovin lol.  And yes, i’m listening to the Young Rascals Groovin on youtube!  Minime is home from college for the weekend, grumps is crashed on the couch – and im chillin on my forums and playing farmville (i want that groovy barn so bad i can taste it!).

I wanted to go for a putt today as its been way too long and i need the zen i experience when riding, but seeing as he’s snoring, and its 63 out – i’m not so sure i want to ride anymore lol.

But as i listen to the song – i find myself in the wayback machine again, playin friz at the park.  That song in many ways, fits those days just perfectly and i sit here, and smile.

I was told that i shouldnt remember my past so much – that i’m what other people see me as now, not what i was then.  But they dont understand.  I need to keep the jen of days gone by close.  Not just the mega drug addict jen lol – but the sometimes happy go lucky, optimistic (oh hell, i couldnt have been optimistic lol) livin for today jen.  The Deadhead Jen.

I was told i should forget those dark years.  The really dark years and move on.  But i cant – as those years are a part of what made me, me.  I dont dwell on them nearly as much as i used to many years ago – i’ve grown to some extent and im not that same person.  But being what i am – i have to remember them in order to never go back to that again.  Just because a recovering alcoholic hasnt drank in 20 years doesnt mean their not an alcoholic anymore.  Thats the same with me – just because i havent done dope in 14 years doesnt mean im not an addict anymore.  I am afraid that if i forget those years, relegate those memories to the flash drive portal of my mind, i’ll end up becoming again what i once was.

I will not allow that to happen.  I have too much to lose now – and a deeper appreciation for what i have now.  So thanks my friend for your input, but i wont take the advice.

Lol i’m listening to groovin again (i should just put it on repeat lol) and find myself wishing it was a warm spring day, bright sunshiney weather with the sights, sounds and smells of fresh plowed farms around us with my arms wrapped around grumps, my chin on his shoulder as we putt down a country road.  THATS groovin.

But time marches onward, no matter how hard we try to stop it.  The seasons change, the cycle continues to turn.  And we’re beginning a cycle of time that i really hate – fall and winter.  A gradual slumber and eventual death.   I mind, but dont mind fall all that much as, seeing as i live in the North East, we are blessed with the change of seasons (summer – fall) and the colours of the tree’s are glorious in their death throes.  Brilliant reds, oranges, yellows – stunning in its complexity.

The days become shorter, the nights become longer.  The sun weakens its strength yet still gives bright light.  The air has a slight chill to it, the nights are made for blankets and cuddles.  (and an open window if you’re like me and NEED to have cold air!!).

The farmers are letting the corn die on the stalk, the more enterprising folks have planted corn mazes to make a few bucks.  Soon it will be All Hallow’s – a night when magic happens.  Or is at least stronger if you are of that persuasion.  Which naturally reminds me of the mischief nights of days gone by lol.  Yes, i’m grinning.  That was a lot of harmless destructive fun!  😛

The farms are being plowed under, to rest for the change of seasons.  Heifers continue to fatten and give milk and i get very angry when i pass the farms that are abusing baby cows in order to obtain veal.  But i wont go there.  That makes me very angry and today, i’m groovin.

I wish i could have lived during the Summer of Love.  Like when i was in england and felt totally at home, i would have been at home back in the 60’s.

But as i was oh like 5 lol…

We’ll keep on spending sunny days this way
We’re gonna talk and laugh our time away
I feel it comin’ closer day by day
Life would be ecstasy, you and me endlessly . . .
Groovin’ . . . on a Sunday afternoon

Advertisements