after living alone for so many years….

good morning gentle readers!  or rather lol good afternoon!  Im thinking mebbe my hiatus from my blog is over seeing as the holidays are FINALLY over and i can get back to being socially unattractive <seg>

But why the title and opening lyric you ask?  Well – my darling daughter minime is leaving back for college tomorrow after being home for nearly a month.  Its breaking my heart (but i’m glad, college suits her) but i’m also happy because she’s happy.  Isnt that what being a parent is all about – being happy while crying inside because your child is flying on her own wings?

The look on her face when she see’s the town and all the now familiar sights is priceless.  Once many many years ago, we were driving somewhere and listening to Yes (i’m a dashboard keyboardist!) I Am A Camera. She asked me what does that mean?  I told her that think of your graymatter and your eyes as a camera – every second, everything you look at becomes a picture in your memory.  She thought that was cool and understood the meaning (that was back when mom was cool lol).

Its hard watching your kids growing up and knowing there isnt anything you can do anymore to prevent them from getting hurt (cept interrogating proposed boyfriends and letting them know they’ll never find his body if he makes her cry).  Its that momma bear gene that kicks in when you get pregnant.  Mess with my kids and you go down hard.  Even though they think they’re 10 foot tall and bulletproof, us parents, in our wisdom, know they’re not and know there is nothing we can do to stop fate from heading down the road.  All we can hope for is that they listened to us for all those years.

Oh how well do i remember my 10foot tall and bulletproof years.  sigh.  but damn they were fun lmsao.  It was those days that made me your favorite socially unattractive jenny~!  *grinning*  i will say whats on my mind, what i think about, what i see going on around me with a unique viewpoint due to the fun i had.  i’m not your typical keep up with the jones’ that everyone seems to be these days.  sure we’re on a strict budget (who isnt), we dont go out as often as we used too (i really miss that – getting tommy just that little bit jealous is ever so much fun) but when the weather cooperates (and its NOT NOW –  ITS STILL WINTER DAMMIT) its just tom and i, one the bike, no worries, just miles to go before we sleep.

I think thats the main reason for the hiatus i had to take, despite it being the holidays and my utter hatred of them, is the fact that we cant ride, its just too damn cold.  Although right now its 49 and if my beloved were here, i’d be leathering up and swinging a leg over the saddle behind him.  The cold sucks.  It hurts – literally.  It takes a good hour for my hands to warm/limber up enough in the morning to type.  And despite the panic/anxiety attacks – i wont leave the house when its cold.  im a hibernator during the winter lol.

im also being afflicted by the dread disease known as insomnia, again.  so help me god if i dont get a full nights sleep soon… someones going down.  hard lol.  I can get to sleep no problem.  but 1am, 3am, 4am rolls around and up sits jenny thinking shit.  i’m awake.  Sometimes i manage to get back to sleep – but not as often as i would like.  i just want a good 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Thats not asking much, is it?  Really, is it?

But tomorrow minime is leaving home after living alone for so many years.   and i just thought of a better song….

Blackbird fly blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

(ps sunny, this is crosby still and nash’s version, and yes i saw them perform this 4 times lol)