its a wonder i can think at all. ok, so i lifted that from paul simons kodachrome but i find it fitting, considering i cant think anymore and i went to one of the more “better” schools on the mainline of philly. ok, so i spent most of my time partying my ass off but that was because i simply hated school, the majority of my classmates and well, life.  cept for the music, that was the only constant in my life, the only thing that couldnt, wouldnt hurt me.

but thats not what i came to talk about. i came to talk about the draft.  lol yet another shameless lift, this time from arlo’s alices restaurant. and no, im not going to post the vid, i took care of that on turkey day. im bummed though that i blew off my annual stuporbowl entry that also included the puppybowl – but medhead kicked in and after watching madonnas totally lackluster performance (someone tell that bitch she’s too old to boogie) i said to hell with it and off to the arms of Morpheus i went.  the only reason i watch the stuporbowl is for the commercials anyway – and this year i get to torment my friend spike because the giants won lmsao.

however gentle readers, i seem to have lost my way. i dont know if its bloggers block thats affecting me, or the fact that my bipolar and other assorted isms are attacking me with a vengeance. i do not know.  i do know that humpty dumpty took a serious fall 2 days before christmas and i am still suffering the ill affects of said fall.  xrays, an mri today and i see the orthodoc tomorrow for the results of the soft tissue scan. so i dont know where to turn, what to do and where to go.  considering im the oldlady at work (read here the only responsible one) i do the lifting, etc and thats why ive been out of work this last week, my neck and arm gave out.  talk about pain. ok, lets not talk about pain.  suffice it to say, it hurts and sucks when you pick up something and almost drop it because your arm doesnt work.

but that still doesnt address where i am and where im going and what im trying to do.  somethings just not right and my writings suffered for it. THAT pisses me off more than anything. there is so much to say so much to say so much to say say say say i find sometimes its easy to be myself, sometimes its easy to be somebody else.  i really dig this tune, it fits me so entirely well in so many ways.  open up my head and let me out….

i find the problem with multiple psych issues is that you never know whats going to rear its ugly head at any time.  being rapid cycling bipolar, im heavily medicated for YOUR protection.  my mania is my daily life, however i crash with spectacular results. and i mean SPECTACULAR results lol. hey, if i cant laugh at it, why have it or even talk about it. add in ptsd, severe anxiety/panic issues and it makes me wonder, hmm i probably did so many drugs growing up so i didnt have to feel anything.  i was extremely good at it.  not feeling anything that is.  i got a message in response to one of my posts about the psychonutcase stalker i have.  this person was wondering how she was doing (well not really) and if she ever figured out if it was her life that made her so miserable.  i somehow dont think she ever made the connection.  she consistently blames everyone but the one person who truly needs to be blamed – herself.  i still dont think she’ll ever make that connection, its so easy for her to blame everyone else for her problems rather than to accept the blame for her fuck ups. and people think im the one whos a nutcase.  sheesh.

but still, ive wandered off the path i need to be on with regards to my writing and that bothers me.  i do however get amused by the amount of spam comments about vuitton, ugg and the occasional amusing post either slamming or praising my blog – all in the about me tab lol.  hey – if you dont like the weather, wait 15 minutes. but rest assured fellow unattractives, im trying to get back to my socially unattractive self.  just please, bear with my while i find my way back – cause im wasted and i cant find my way home.  and those of you gentle readers who are my friends – kick my ass!!!

i love you all. more than you know.

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