this is a question i have pondered for years, almost 47 (chronological if you must know) years to be exact, but in real people years, oh say 30ish when my old best friend ick got his drivers licence <seg>.  i remember a bunch of us driving around and someone, maybe me, telling him yo ick, didnt you know, stop signs with white lines around them are optional?  no way!  yes way – lets ride!

it was about oh say 6 or 7 stop signs blown off when he realized that every stop sign has that ubiquitous white line around them and he got pissed!  what would have happened if i got stopped for blowing off a stop sign.  i told him dude – the cop would have laughed at you for being so stupid for listening to us and we would have paid your fine!  fast forward to a few years ago when i was teaching my son to drive. oh sweet jesus.  boy is a good driver, but having him turn into the local turkey hill convenience store from rt 322 at mach 10 when the lot was FULL was a white knuckle experience for me and im hollering (quietly) boy slow down, boy slow the fuck down please!  when i mean this particular lot was full is an understatement. there were lines at the gas pump, every space in front of the store were full and trucks were parked on the side of the lot.  yes, my knuckles were white and my panic level was on overdrive.  but i quietly reminded him, after my breathing returned to something back to normal was that you never ever pull into a convenience store at mach 10.  we still laugh at that!

but i also passed on the advice of years gone by – manchild, stop signs with white lines around them are optional honey.  m’boy is a little wiser than we were back as teenagers (ok, we were wasted lol) and it took him only 3 stop signs before he said, suspiciously, mom, EVERY STOP SIGN HAS A WHITE LINE AROUND IT!  i told him you’re a good kid and very observant and then told him the story of days gone by.  he said ya’ll were pretty damn dumb werent you?  busted.

but here i am, all those years gone by and i wonder. are stop signs with white lines really optional?  i leave for work at dark thirty.  there’s no one on the road when i split for work (which is absolutely wonderful, i HATE rush hour, i HATE people). im actually going west rather than east and am driving down one of the prettiest roads ive ever been blessed to drive/ride down (boy i miss our bike). but when i leave home at dark thirty, i have a stop sign at the end of our road.  aint no one around – dare i stop for the required count to 3 or just look both ways as im approaching the sign and ease on down, ease on down the road?   i say required count to three as the *snort* boys in blue (bad cop no donut) will nail you for a california stop if you do not come to a complete stop.  trust me, they got my beloved and i one time right after i told him come to a complete stop honey. did he listen? no. dumbass.  but the cop let us go as we were on a new home hunt.  more on that horrific episode later – shuddering with the ickies -= man that was gross.

perhaps i should have titled this entry as fun with driving or episodes with driving or bad drivers.  i have one ok, several bad driving stories that are just too funny (to me).  stepping back into the wayback machine into the days of yore, we had a friend who was the quintessential blonde – white blonde, incredibly blue eyes but dumb as a fox.  this chick could walk into a party and walk out with more dope than she came in with and had no money. but…. she simply could not drive.  i dont mean she just was an inexperienced diver, this chick owned several telephone poles and totaled her cars like no one i can remember.  i remember her taking ick to downtown philly to pick up some speakers for his stereo.  during their trip around broadstreet, he jumped out of the car with speakers and took off running. there was no way he was riding home with her.  then she drove me, my bestest bud in the world and a guy with connections to go cop a sheet.  we made it to villanova, all of us white knuckling it and with bile in the back of our throats.  we made the deal and got back into the car and the ride home was easily one of the most horrifying rides of my life.  at one point we were begging her to let us out of the car (she had the locks locked so we couldnt get out) and told us i brought you here, i’m taking you home.  i swear – hand to heart, i saw a black man turn white. im sure i was fluorescent white myself.  never ever again.  not long after that, i was walking to icks house and she pulled up and offered me a ride.  i told her no, im enjoying the walk and the sun. there was not a snowballs chance in hell that id get into a car with her even for 3 blocks.  sigh.

but here i am, living in the country (finally, i really hate people and need my fresh air, and at this time of the year, the mini moo’s, baby baa’s – the circle of life starting up again) and when its still dark out in the morning – why on gods green earth should i stop for a stop sign when there is no one anywhere near me?  if i even think i see a headlight, which never happens, i will come to a complete stop cause its the right thing to do. but if there isnt any oncoming lights – that sign is optional.  now traffic lights, whatever time it is are NEVER optional cause i know where 50 hang out.  but what i found to be extremely hilarious this morning was…. as i was riding down 340 i happened to catch a shetland pony trotting across the amish farms front yard.  no, said pony was not in his pen, he was out for a stroll.  he actually looked to be happy about it as well.  i wonder though, had i been 30 seconds earlier, would i have caught him in the road in front of me?  only the shadow knows.

however, today was a crappy day at work.  writing is making the shitty day fade. being socially unattractive im not going to apologize for working with little puerto rico and being the only white chick on the morning shift.  and fuck you if you dont like it. im not here to be liked all the time.  i have customers complain about the spanish constantly being spoken back in the drive thru/sandwhich station which i am not allowed anywhere near. i run the front counter and i run it well and i am not allowed to leave the front counter.  i get compliments right and left, and i make each customer feel welcome and compliment each customer on something they’re wearing or some such thing.  the spanish is bothering me as well. its making me get to the point of looking for another job despite my incredibly awesome customers.  im the only one who gets consistent excellent customer reviews sent in. it got to the point today that i told my boss to have our “new” shift manager get off my back because i know how to do my job and i do it well.  for instance – i took $15 out cause i needed a roll of quarters and dimes.  i put it far enough back on the counter so no one could lift it and when i get a free second, i go back and get my quarters and dimes.  apparently this bothered our new shift manager who told me that i am to give it to her.  i told her this is how i do it, this is how i always have done it because i never have anyone to depend on so i do it myself.  i have a feeling that she and i are going to have a come to jesus meeting soon.  but before i left, i gave her the dilly0 on what to expect this weekend.

there is a quilting convention and they will be busy.  she is going to have to take the extra coffee pot from drive thru and ignore their whining because walk ins will out number drive thrus until we get new pots in.  i had asked bossman if i could take the extra coffee pot from drive thru and he said so long as they arent using it and i told him bud – they’ll whine and cry about it and you need to do something about that cause im sick of it. in 2 to 3 months, my walk ins will out number drive thrus 6 to 2.  i dunno.  but i do know im calling the big boss and see if i can transfer to a closer store.  im done working in little puerto rico as i find the constant spanish discussions ignorant. and i am so sick of the whining of the spaninsh kids. they are the laziest tan kids i have ever met.  half the time my orders are ignored and my customers half to wait an incredibly long time which is unacceptable.  ive got seniority and one of them seems to think she runs the shop. sorry bitch, i got some news for you…

hmmmmm who should i piss off next????  so many people, so many assholes, so little time… <seg> like thats ever stopped me before! 😉

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