to tell your son HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! specially when he’s turned 20 and you’ve exhausted skynyrds simple man and aw crap, that awesome cover by the band whos name i just cant remember right now but i LOVE the cover band and no. im not going there with the beatles. that is beyond exhausted lol.  i dont know much hip hop so i cant use anything there (but mebbe i’ll buzz pedro and see if he knows any hip hop happy birthday tunes lol).

once again, im not with him on his birthday and i’ve hated that for years.  when my kids were growing up, they spent august with my sister in florida.  and part of that vakay was where we would go when we were kids, longboat key.  oh how i miss that place,  but i can close my eyes and on the mental movie screen, i can watch the reruns of my young youth, remember some of the pics we had (one of my sister driving my uncle pauls boat is one of the ones i remember clearest – and me, both my sisters and my cousin stuby on the beach with a fish one of us had caught – either my little sis or stuby).  they BOTH loved fishing, my sister still does it as often as she can.  but my sister and my dad made sure my kids had fantastic vacations and something precious to remember.  and i owe at least that much to my sister and my dad.  i can never be able to thank them enough.  but my sons birthday happens to be in august when he was with my sister (and i wont go into the days between, sad sigh). sooooo, i never saw my boy on his birthday which really sucked.  i’d call every year and talk to him, and hear his voice, close my eyes and see those blue eyes of his but….   i wish my sister would make copies of all the pics she has and send them to me.

i think back to when i was pregnant and i took boy to his first concert – gun n roses (one of the ones when axhole actually showed up) and looked down and said: LISTEN UP BOY, IT DONT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!! and he rolled around in response!  i remember being at my best friends house and seeing my sillohette in the garden rooms window and in a horrified voice – i look like a whale!  2 days later, i went into labor and she took me to the hospital but it was false labor – tuck, your aunt kadiedid almost made it there for your real birthday!  i wish she had been there!  and sho nuff lol, 2 days after she left to go back north, you made your appearance in the world.  i give you serious props bud – 4 hours labor, start to finish, and by the time i wanted the drugs doc said too late, your having the babe.  i said, doc, i dont think you understand. GIVE ME DEMEROL NOW. and doc said, again, no, you’re having the baby!! you showed up shortly after that. au natural.. sigh. 😉

now here you are.  off to college. gone from the house and dammitalltohell you’re sisters gone too and i hate it. i wish you both were here cause i miss you and i miss you and your sister so freaking much i cant stand it.  sure dad and i are enjoying the quiet <seg> but on the same hand, its too quiet, i dont like that emptiness where you once were, i dont like the change.  i wish the parenthood manual came with that disclaimer.  being warned would not have changed anything but then again, maybe being warned would have helped.

doubt it.

it sucks

i miss you so much.

and i still have no song for you on your birthday. im wracking my brains. all im getting is and i have no idea why is tom petty and the heartbreakers “here comes my girl” – you love tom almost as much as i did. probably because i was with that band from damn the torpedos and saw them 4 times lol. lurves me some tp!   the last time i saw tom petty was with your dad and, im on the tom petty site and im fairly certain it was full moon fever tour. before that i saw – damn the torpedos, hard promises and long after dark!  most excellent band!!!

ahh.  i have it.  i will give you something of me, something we both love.  Happy Birthday My Son.  I am so very, very proud of you.

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