with mad ninja skills

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i attacked the upcoming nest of carpenter bees that are attempting to move in over my back door. grumpy killed 3 of the nasty critters already, looking like a circus sideshow freak with arms and legs flailing – fly swatter swishing and swashing. but still, there was one (that i know of) that was left and he was bound and determined to take up residence.  over my dead body.

when i saw him land and “walk in his front door”, i said ENOUGH!. in the house i went in search of the flyswatter that is always in its accustomed place.  i knew that but i still had to look.  its what i do.  i know where it is. i know that its there, near the back door. but i still have to take a quick look around.  but with flyswatter in my hand like a samurai sword, out the back door i went, on the sneak attack.

wham wham wham i banged the overhang about where i knew he was and sure enough, a few seconds later out he came  and would you believe, this bee looked right at me and tried to poo on me!!!! (yes, bee’s poo). then he started his buzzing around our back porch.  after watching him closely to get an idea of how he was going to react, and how i was going to ninja him down and kill him, i assumed the crane position, and with a waaooaoaoaao off i went.

the bee zigged, the bee zagged with me in hot pursuit. when he zigged, i zigged. when he zagged, i zagged watching him ever so closely in order to get an idea of where he was going to go. this was no ordinary carpenter bee, this bee was a pro, he obviously had been stalked before. i followed him around the grill, swatter at the ready waiting for my shot.  this bee gave me a run for my ninja skill money and wasnt making this easy. i guess you dont get that big without being able to evade hunters.  but he hadnt met me yet.  a mistake he would regret with his life.

i saw my opening when he hesitated briefly and SWAT came the swatter/samurai sword and i took that damn bee down right out of the air. but he was only stunned. for now. the hapless and shortly dead bee was on the ground, little legs flailing and i attacked that sob with a ferociousness  reserved for anyone who messes with my kids. whap whap whap whap whap. with each whap, the bee moved a bit so im chasing this dying menace across the patio making good and sure he was going to be dead shortly.  im tellin ya gentle readers, you’d think that with the strength of my samurai sword, he’d have been flattened but good but nooooo, the good Lord made these bees damn near indestructible.  it took me a good 6 shots with my swatter to make sure he was dead (i wasnt wearing shoes so there was no stomping on said bee) but he wouldnt flatten and when i hit something, i hit it like a man.  i dont play games.

finally, the bee gave up his ghost and met the DEATH of BEE’S. with arms raised in a V and the dead lay in a pool of bee goo below, i did my victory dance of joy.  you do know, its hard to enjoy your patio when you have bigassed carpenter bees flying around. i like to enjoy my patio and thats also where we put out the heinous hounds. so its a good idea to be bee free.  we’ve got our exercise equipment out there, a picnic table, chairs, cooler and a grill. its a happenin patio.  we also share it with our neighbor who is free to use our stuff (sans exercise equipment).  we’re nice that way. if you use the grill, just give us a few bucks for the propane or buy a tank lol.  we have a great neighbor so we dont mind.

it finally looks like the DEATH of BEES has taken up residence out back warning carpenter bees of their impending doom should they decide to try to move in. the front porch however….. has those nasty hornet/wasps. not the happy yellow jackets that will fly away if you swat at their general direction or blow smoke at them. nooooo, these fuckers, if you try a concerted attack will come after you with repeated stings (not speaking from experience here lol).  these critters who are trying to take up residence will need a different kind of attack – the raid bee killer can, sprayed at dusk in the areas where they are trying to make a home.  you see, we also enjoy sitting out front in the late afternoons watching the traffic go by. its a country living thing.  we have our table and chairs with buttcan (we smoke outside) set up nicely to enjoy everything from the beautiful sunrises we get here, to the boomers moving over the fields to nightfall, when its cool and breezy and feels so comfortable.

as you can see, i dont like bees gentle readers lol. but my mad ninja skills proved effective in ridding our back patio of a very large and nasty critter!  now to get the hounds, particularly pez from chasing birds or copping the smell of the young rabbits who live here. one of them got right by the little vermin killer without him even seeing it, to the delight of grumpy and i who watched the whole thing!

ahhhh country living. i wouldnt trade it for anything!

i told you she’s picking me up in a chauffered bently pop


lmsao gentle readers, yes, that was really said in my household as a teen.  my dearest friend kimmy came from serious money and the first time she came up, we may have been going to a dead show, maybe not but she was coming in her famililies chauffered bently. i told my dad and i got the usual yeah sure, right. he never believed me lol. i told him pop, seriously a chauffered bent.  uh huh honey, im sure she will.  and when that bent showed up my pops jaw hit the floor.  the chauffer came out and opened the door for me, i said see ya pop, with an evil grin on my face to the stark amazement on his face, got in and off we went.  the dead show came later now that i think of it and that was a riot in and of itself lmsao.  picture me gentle readers crashed out on the stairs up to the spectrum blowing doobs, wasted as can be, and the bent shows up and kimmy rolls out drunk as a skunk.  good times good times lol. every dead event was a great time!

im still suffering from teh head cold from hell.  dizzy, lightheaded and weak as hell. id like to know who gave this to me so i can beat them half to death. the bronchitis was bad enough, like i really needed this?  im not hungry at all but i know i need something to eat and cereal is just not cutting it. dont got no bakey so thats out. guess i’ll try a ham and cheese omelette. blech.  fevers going up again too.  double blech.  ive been up since 1 am and im about sick of this non sleeping gig ive got going on. im an insomniac to begin with and heavily medicated for everyones protection and so i can sleep so when this happens it pisses me off royally. its been three days in a roll and the donald is back and our week fo peace is gone. it was so quiet when he was gone and now i hear the thud thud squeek squeek squeek of his heavy foot steps at all hours of the night, he is one of gods special people but that dont mean shit to me, squeek squeek squeek of his heavy foot steps usually starting when we go to bed.  at 4am i hollered GO TO SLEEP DON, ITS BED TIME QUIT WALKING AROUND AND KEEPING US AWAKE and he got quiet for a little bit. he got loud again and i hollered it again and he’s been quiet ever since,  i was outside at 1am and sho nuff, his light was on.  sonofabitch.  that bastard keeps us up all freaking night and already has 2 strikes against him and i dont want to be the one who have him kicked out considering a friend of mine is very interested in the apartment come august when don is rumored to be moving out YEAH!!!  the question remains is can i tolerate donald that long.  ive already gotten my invisible shotgun out and followed hims as he lurches across the apartment saying he is right about here BANG!!!.

but that enough of my nutcase neighbor getting tired as it is, its been a long night. and on that not, i think i will bid you a fond adieux my gentle readers  i cant thank you for enough.  it means the world to me!

and on that note i bid you a fond adieu gentle readers!



sick again are you fucking kidding me?


like the first time wasnt bad enough gentle readers but this time i seem to have caught one helluva headcold (and i cant type for shit).  snuffly nose, bronchial cough (its familial), fever, headache, swollen tonsils and sore throat, i just cant win for losing.  ive got enough bills coming up this week that a doctor appointment isnt feasible so im back to my tried and true herbal remedies.  but in the mean time gentle readers, im going to die. yes you read right, im going to die i feel that bad.  grumps tells me to think positive and i tell him im positive im going to die .  dontcha hate it when you get the itchies on the roof of your mouth? lord almighty i hate that.

but on a happy note, i was blessed to talk to my minime, my eldest daughter who is so freakin scary intelligent you dont want to mess with her lol.  she takes her physical for the armed forces next week and is going in as an officer (she passed officer candidate school – c’mon, like i expected any less?????) and asked me to get her medical records as she had an appendectomy at 4 and thought they may ask for that.  my darling daughter, i doubt they’ll care about what happened when you were four but i got your back anytime, anywhere and i’ll send them out next week.  she’s also getting married in may and i could not have picked a better husband for her if i tried.  her intended is her match in brains, humor etc and is her perfect mate and son in law.  he even had the balls to stand up to me once and that aint no little thing lol.  he earned my respect then and has it now.

m’boy is doing wonderfully in his finance major – considering he has no problem making money, this should be a breeze for him lol. in many ways his is my minime (not in looks like m’daughter” but in personality, oh lord…) and is as brilliant as his sister and now that he’s found his way, i can only hope he learns to use his powers for good. please son, use them for good lol.

ive had so many lyrics going thru my bwain that ive not known where to turn, and i didnt want to do another whah im a bipolar bitch post.  there are several very excellent bipolar blogs out there that there really didnt need to be another one, im more fun in talking about my life, telling stories out my life (i got a ton of them lol) and maybe an occasional bipolar gig.  kinda like the time we were in st thomas… my bud screwball managed to cop along for the ride with us on that particular trip.  my dad had been talking about it and screw said can i come? and my dad, not thinking said if your parents will pay the airfare.  next day screw comes over and said my parents will pay airfare and what was my dad to do – bwahahahhaha so we had our adopted brother come along.

during the trip we met this kid who had some righteous smoke, along the lines of mowi wowi and he got us WASTED.  we were trying to take the elevator back up to the hotel (the hotel was on a cliff and you had to take an elevator down and up) and we were so stoned that the kid, looking at the button board saw the term westinghouse and pronounced it wessssstinnngggg hhhoooouuusseeee, to our complete and utter amusement (suffice it to say when the elevator opened we were still shrieking.  ahh that was a great trip, one of our best.  we ordered a case from room service and played quarters one night.  if my parents only knew – but they did catch us with a bottle of champagne and i told them it was mine – they all got sent back to the room and i was let go with the bottle – woot woot!!!

ive just downloaded an app on the recommendation of a friend – google sky. it shows you the constellations/stars/planets in the night sky and the planet i thought was venus turned out to be jupiter – how cool is that?  i get to figure out all the constellations and the m-class planets, its awesome.  and even during the day what stars/planets/constellations are still up there (just because its not night doesnt mean the stars go away!!!).  its weird though to be able to see planets from earth with your naked eye but its cool at the same time.

has anyone reading here watched the amish mafia?  holy chit its funny as hell and takes place right in my back yard.  i live seconds from lancaster county and i know exactly where lebanon levis office is – which in itself is funny as hell.  i know ok, i believe most of it is scripted – seriously how many people get away with blowing a hole in the windshield of a car on air, but still, its hysterical. then this freak from ohio – merlin? is his name? please what a pussy.  talks a big game he does and has a little midget to try to do his dirty work and an amish sidekick who aint all that bright if you ask me lol. so thats what he surrounds himself with.  i doubt he’ll take levi down. and i know where esther lives as well.  nickle mines is burned into the brains of everyone who lives around here and grumps and i used to ride past that school house frequently all those years ago.  but that show’s hysterical and amusing watching.  i laugh thru it.  sides theres nothing else on and i liked breaking amish.

like i said ive had many tunes running in the gray matter and this ones on high rotation – i am older now, i have more than what i wanted, but i wish that that i had started long before i did, there is so much time to make up everywhere you turn, time we have wasted on the way, so much water moving underneath the bridge, let the water come and carry us away…..

i send this out to my children – the lesson to learn, from their mother – its water under the bridge now. i love you two.  ya weirdos lol and you come by it honestly!!! ((((kidlings))))

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