koolaid on a summers day wait is it really summer?

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hello koolaid my old friend, ive come to drink with you again.  ahh koolaid, the quintessential summer drink. but, the question that remains on my part is – is it really summer?  the last month (july) was COLD and rainy. i can deal with rainy if i have to, but its summer. its july. its supposed to be in the high 80’s to somewhere in the 90’s.  not the 70’s like its been for the last several weeks. im losing my tan dammit.

now granted, due to my exercise program (i ROCK), i dont drink anything but water on a daily basis, its a great way to flush toxins and keep your skin fresh.  but…. i enjoy a glass of sweet tea or koolaid now and again and i’ve found that if i ignore the craving for too long, i over do it and thats not what my program is about. its about healthy living and regular exercise. ive already lost a nice chunk of weight since i joined in jan – to the point where i can take off a pair of jeans without unbuttoning or unzipping them. they slide right over my hips and butt so easily!  im so damn proud of myself.

im sorry ive been gone for so very long. i know some of you actually enjoy what i write – the socially unattractive life of jen lol but the last year + has been interesting to say the least and i just havent had it in me to write.  i started a new job last sept, working at a school and this is my first summer vacation in 30+ years.  i dont think i like it very much, i desperately need the routine.  going to the gym 3x a week helps tho.  im still a bipolar anxious panicy bitch but thanks to my paid best friend, im coping much better with it.  then again, due to extraordinary rx costs of my bipolar med, i had to half it.  its been a few months since i did that and i find i need the whole dose.  too much rapid cycling going on that messes up my head. so i’ll buck up and pay the extra money for the full dosage.  sigh my budget doesnt need this hit lol.

but – where the hell is summer?  we hardly had much of a spring – came late then got HOT (i love it).  june was lovely, in the pool several times a week working on my tan. but then, like i said above, then came the rain and chilly temps.  so much for global warming eh? what a joke.  but its going to be a gorgeous day today, sunny in the 80’s, yippee!!!  mebbe i’ll get the old man to take me for a putt when he gets home if he’s not too tired.  i worry about my beloved. he works so hard to take care of us so i treat him like a king.  waiting on him hand and foot is a true pleasure for me, because i get it back and after the hell ive been thru with men in my life, my beloved is a rare treasure.  he deserves to be a king.

on a truly wonderful note – my son, my most awesome and handsome son turned 22 yesterday. holy shit where the hell did the time go?  i remember my smiling blue eyed boy laughing and playing outside and miss that so much.  why do kids have to grow up?  but m’boy is in the army now – and i couldnt be more proud of him if i tried.  and im a damn proud army mom!!!  and if that aint the shit, my awesome minime will be 25 soon.  jesus.  brats looking at grad schools in fields i couldnt understand if i tried. that physics brain of hers will take her places.  she had a slight detour in her life plan, but i believe that was gods doing in that he took her out of potential harms way.  i doubt she see’s it that way, but its the only thing that makes sense to me.

ahhhh summertime. i do love it even though im not dealing with it well lol. cant wait to go back to school and ANYONE who’s known me for a very long time will be laughing their asses off at that statement considering i despise and hate school.  ive started a little flower garden out front of the hobbit house, my lavender is doing wonderfully and i just transplanted a baby bleeding heart out front. my basil is HUGE and i put my chicks and hens in a strawberry pot.  they’re thriving wonderfully and are hardy in zone 5 where i live. not bad for a cactus lol.  i lined part of the garden with purple and pink alyssum, such pretty plants.  got the ok from the landlord to put some plants in out back – a large bleeding heart and two white alyssums on either side.  i find im not that bad at growing plants.  next year i will put in annuals for color.

ahhh summertime – livins easy


damn i cant post the video now. oh well… click the link. janis is amazing live.



forever is going to look beautiful on you


my beautiful daughter and new son in law.  yes gentle readers, you read right, im now the proud mother of the bride and son in law! it was a loooooong ride to the city where my rocket scientist daughter and her astrophysicist (i think, im never sure – he’s just as brilliant as she is) son in law decided to make an honest couple out of each other but the result was a weekend filled with joy, happiness and several white zinfandels.  i even dealt with my ex happily for a change lol.  i tolerate him when i have to see him, but this weekend i could look at him and remember when. with a smile.

but the arrangements we had to make with the heinous hounds were the only hitch in what were otherwise awesome plans. we worry about our babies and when minime graduated college last week (suma cum laude no less…), they had a hissy cow with us being away just for the day! fortunately we have awesome neighbors who took good care of them and did the same, alone with my best bud this weekend. weekend. we were gone for the weekend. in a way it was like a second honeymoon and i reminded my beloved that i’d once told him i’d get him in a hotel if it killed me!  now we’re not rocket scientists or astrophysicists, but we stayed at a holiday inn express… the executive suite no less. i spared no expense for this wedding!

the family started gathering on thursday with the arrival of her little brother from college.   having him almost home filled me with much happiness as if any of you are mothers out there, you know the happy but sad feeling you have when your kids grow up and away from you. having them “home” again, even if only for a couple of days is soul lightening.  but i didnt see him until saturday when we all gathered in the wedding town.  it was ok, he was here and that was good enough for me.

grumps and i had originally planned on riding out on friday but he decided that he needed a new coat, shirt and black jeans for the wedding so friday turned into shopping day rather than loooooooong driving day.  s’ok – my beloved was as resplendent as the noonday sun!  smokin hot if you ask me!  i even managed to cop myself a couple of tops which was a banner day for me as shopping isnt one of my favorite things to do. shopping with grumps isnt a walk in the park – vanity thy name is grumpy lmsao. he gives new meaning to the word picky but when he wants to be, he is impeccably turned out. and i like that about him so i tolerate the shopping woes.  funny, i shop with him but he wont shop with me…

as it was a loooooooong drive saturday and the rehearsal was at 11am…. yes. 11am and it was a looooooong drive, we were on the road by 7 and got there with 15 min to spare – with only 2 pit stops on the way. for those of you doing the math, thats just shy of 4 hours.  4 hours, 3 tunnels and magnificent scenery to prepare ourselves for what was going to be a busy but fun day.  so we gathered at the venue, a beautiful room they booked and the merriment began as the matron/maids of honor and groomsmen laughed and laughed while the bride and bridgegroom laughed and supervised the merriment.  they practiced the walk down the aisle and then minime being escorted by her dads while the moms looked on and laughed and laughed.  they did the practice a couple of times to make sure everyone knew their positions and timing and then it was time for lunch. olive garden never tasted better and it was more laughs and laughs, you get 16 people together, its going to be a fun time, especially when some of them havent seen each other for a while!

then it was time to break, go get our rooms, get some late shopping done and a nap before we met at the campground for a cookout campfire with minimes dads family.  that was when i finally got a chance to spend some quality time with my son, of whom i am so proud. he’s grown up so much and has learned some valuable life lessons. this is one proud momma and i have to admit i have great looking kids lol.  my sister and her family got there and my brother in law told us some seriously funny military stories (the hawk story was hilarious) and admitted that he hates the cia.  so do i – stupid spooks lol. but we all sat around the fire while my son tended the grill (food was AWESOME  – that family can cook!) giving directions to everyone who got lost trying to find the campground, even me lol.  it was one big cookout campfire! with the beers flowing, stories being told and laughter abounding.  when i finally realized it was dark, it was time for me to split back to the hotel so i could get some sleep for the big day. im sure the party however, knowing that family, went on for another several hours. they do it right!

cut to the next morning getting picked up by the bride at an ungodly hour so we can all meet at the hairdresser for the beautification! this particular salon wasnt even open but they opened up early for the wedding party and made us all look wonderful and the bride, the beginnings of radiant.  by the time we were all done (there were a lot of us lol) we had an hour and a half to kill before it was time to be at the venue to get ready and photos.  so back to our respective hotels we went and hung out till it was time to be at the venue. when i walked in our room, grumps was already dressed! and again as resplendent as the noonday sun. damn he looked good! i couldnt understand getting ready so early but thats my beloved so i dont worry about it.  finally it was time to split, i got dressed and off we went.

getting ready with the bridal party was one laugh after another with my sister (matron of honor) doing several of our makeups. makeup for several of us? lol.  when my daughter came out in her dress, i teared up but managed to keep my composure, but all i could think was: my baby. my beautiful beautiful baby. was getting married.  i was thrilled yet sad at the same time. its a hard thing to describe that feeling – my child was finally flying away (college doesnt count lol). but i was happy because i knew we were giving her to a wonderful man who challenged her, loved her with all his being and made her happy.  what more could a mother want?  i’ll never ever forget that afternoon. but everyone was finally dressed and beautiful and it was time for the pictures. that was much fun with the groom and groomsmen hamming it up at the fountain… i so cant wait for the disc and to be able to make pictures to put on my wall.  my niece was the photog and an awesome photog she is!  those pictures are going to be incredible. so we got that out of the way and the bridal party went into seclusion right before the guests started to arrive.

its ceremony time now. pachbels canon is being played, the bridesmaids are walking down the aisle followed by the matron of honor. the pastor asks all to stand as the mothers stand up (oops lol) and in walks the most radiant bride ive ever seen.  i started crying. yes gentle readers, socially unattractive started crying. because i was happy, because i was sad, because my daughter was getting married to an awesome young man.  when she was escorted to her man, the pastor asked who gives this woman to this man and the dads said we do (i raised my hand lol). and then… only my kids would do this – the pastor started reciting the wedding vows from the princess bride: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…  suffice it to say, i lost it. he then laughed and started over while the bride and groom chuckled at the joke they had played on everyone.  props kiddos – props.  you done good! 😀

their vows were touching, the looks on their faces beautiful to behold (but i had $5 on the groom passing out as he got teary eyed at the rehearsal lol) and then they were pronounced man and wife and im still crying like a baby lol.  then it was procession time then hors d’oveurs time while dinner was set up and the merriment began.  as always the dancing started slow but shonuff the dance floor filled up while people learned new steps and laughed and laughed.  the dinner was phenomenal – i wouldnt have expected any less from my kids and the cake – oh the cake… oh the cake lolol.  when they cut the cake, they didnt smash each other in the face (i paid a lot for this dress… lol) but my new son dashed some on minime’s nose and then kissed it off her. talk about sweet.  at one point grumps told me he wished he thought of writing up a deed to our daughter and giving it to her husband when he handed her off to him. THAT would have been awesome. and a reminder of when he and i got married and we gave them honorary certificates to the new family name.  its starting to get late now, kids time and time for us to leave.  (ok grumps was getting tired…).  we got back to our room and i swear we were out cold in minutes lol.

so. 3.15am this morning i hear this sound. wtf is that? beloved says my alarm. sorry. now as an insomniac when i wake up, im up. i tried to go back to sleep but i knew after 30 seconds it wasnt going to work so off to the front lobby for coffee i went and outside for a smoke.  beloved was right behind me lol.  so – you want to leave now he says? my head snapped up. what??? sigh ok. but im finishing my coffee first. so we were on the road home at 4.15am. made it home by 7.30am. made great time despite some fog we ran into somewhere out there lol.  first thing i did was make another pot of coffee!!! and a pitcher of iced tea lol and we’re here, happy, exhausted and happy. happy that our daughter has married the man of her dreams and is beginning her life. a life filled with happiness and joy. and a whole lot of fun. i know my kids!

but the best part of the night was when they danced together as husband and wife. they danced to josh turner’s in my dreams. yes. i cried.

forever is going to look beautiful on you kids. i love you both so much.


its a beautiful day dont let it get away its a beautiful day

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gentle readers.  boy do i love U2.  ive seen them 2 or 3 times (not sure, i don’t remember things very well lol). but one of my best and most favorite all time concerts was the joshua tree tour. wow. then again, it was a couple of days after major surgery and im there at the stadium with a pillow, just in case lol.  oh the things I’ve done to have a good time… 😉

but yes its a beautiful day – today is the day my beautiful daughter turns 23.  or 24.  im not quite sure – math is not one of my better subjects (she’s 23, i found the calculator lol).  interestingly enough, she’s a physics and applied mathematics dual major. don’t know where she got the math bwains from.  wasnt me.  or the rest of her bwains – she’s brilliant, genius or genius plus level brilliant.  butthead and i were cleaning out the shed (where we stashed everything when we moved) to decide what to keep and what to shred.  all the kids stuff was natch a keeper (oh the smiles and near tears) and i found the SAT’s she took when she was in the gifted program in early middle school and she scored low to mid 400’s in math and reasoning.  wow. middle school. ms geek she was and a proud geek she was!  I couldn’t be more proud of her.  or amazed. or bewildered.  my daughter is an enigma.

and now she is an adult. hmm.  not sure if I really like that lol. but it doesn’t matter if I like it or not, time marches on, things change, daughters grow up. and grow up she has. college suits her, if it was up to her, she would be a student forever.  she did not get that from me.  I was talking to my little sister earlier and I told her I remember her holding my infant daughter, she was so small.  my sister said she was so beautiful and she was. so tiny and perfect. so utterly intimidating.  I was totally terrified of this precious little thing I had given birth to. but we learned together, with the help of my mom, how to be a mother and daughter.  as butthead and I were cleaning out the shed today, I found my fantasia tape – KEEPER!  but I also hope I managed to save the little mermaid, her favorite movie. we. watched. that. movie. every. day. several. times. a. day. lol. and i know her tiny little fingerprints are all over it.  I close my eyes…

but if it even looked like it was or smelled like barney its long gone.  I hate that purple dinosaur.

but back to my beautiful adult daughter lol. she’ll be graduating in may.  she’s had her entire senior year paid for by scholarship. if it was anyone else, i would be – that’s so cool!  but with my daughter, im not surprised or amazed. i just shake my head and smile.  it’s just another spark in the brilliant fire that is her life.  she is totally focused on her life, her upcoming career, her fiancée.  i have no idea how i managed to raise such an incredible success/i cant think of the word i want, so i would like to thank butthead, her step dad.  i blame him totally for everything she has become.  i was just the cook, maid, laundry lady and cheerleader lol.  oh yeah – chauffeur.  i was driving miss daisy constantly lol.  but if it was not for him, i don’t think i would have been able to have done it.  so thank you honey.  thank you for helping me create the most incredible kid/adult/daughter the world will see.  i could not have done it on my own.  but daughter mine, when kilo crosses the Rainbow Bridge, the pezzinator is yours. again.  come and get him lol.  i have enough anxiety in my life, his separation anxiety will make me nuttier than i already am lol.

now, my little girl is getting married in may, she’s grown up and is now flying the coop.  going off to college was bad enough, now she’s really leaving home. sigh. she’s starting a family all on her own.  a part of me hates that.  i guess that’s natural, i want to keep my kids close, to protect them from this world we live in now. it’s not the world i grew up in. its dangerous, cruel and i cant handle the thought of anything happening to my daughter or son, anything taking away the innocence before its natural time. i don’t want them to grow up and grow away. i have to protect them but i know i cant, i know its life. something ive never been fond of but it is what it is. holy crap, i just realized ive turned into my father. todays her birthday and i contacted my son and reminded him to call his sister on her birthday – something my dad did to me on my sisters birthdays. omg. and i contacted both my sisters too!!!.  looking up – pop, your legacy lives on!!  may my family forgive me lol.

i think of how she’s changed over the years, from the shyish youngster she was, thru the band geek highschool years to the confident, mature, funny beautiful woman she’s become. and i smile to the amazing brilliant star she will be.  sunny – i will leave you with this –  life’s most valuable lesson and words of wisdom.  because i love you.

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
It was a beautiful day
ps – i found your hanson ticket  and boy have i forgotten how smokin hot bono is. 😉

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