the muse is gone

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gentle reader but that could ever so slightly be construed as a shout out to some serious car dancing bb king and me lurves me some bb king.  saw him oh how many years ago with three chord george (as he’s known around here) 0r as the rest of the world knows him as George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers.  the man can only play  3 chords but damn thems soom good chords lol.

my mental jukebox is rapid cycling manic while im depressed. lol my shrinks gonna love this.  hell its even giving me a chuckle now and then but its also making me very nervous.  i was dealing yesterday with some serious nin – not necessarily a good thing but hell, bow down before the one you serve, youre gonna get what you deserve.  i may post the vid as i do adore aw fuck whats his name again?  had it but its gone. hurt would be obvious but im not generally obvious.  even the johnny cash version which makes me cry would still be obvious.  now closer…. mad chuckle tom  made me get rid of that disc cause he was offended by closer lol.  hey – it made me dance rather provocatively <seg>.  hmm mebbe someday i’ll spell check.  i dont do it in real life since half the time i am having hard time speaking english anymore so why not let my writing reflect that?  ps i went out and got that nin disc again lol.

i like to come out side (out front) most mornings after ive taken the dogs out to do their bidness and sit here with my coffee as the traffic goes by,  i get a honk or two but thats only from those who know i live here as no one can see me sitting here. i come out and look for my little buddy, a hmmm id say over a yearling rabbit who lives i think under my shed.  he is not frighened when i come out, rather he just looks at me with his ears forward and i just tell him good morning and talk to him.  i look up, and there he is by the swing set – all of id say 30 to 40 feet from me.  i tell him mornin bud as he goes about his business of cleaning himself.  nope – i think this is a younger wabbit.  we have some very young wabbits.  my bud has been known to sit 10 foot off my door and not even move while i come out with my coffee and he is used to me- i can tell by how his ears change and now how he will clean himself around me with his eyes at half mast.  nope, this one is too small, i can tell by the ears.  but he’s learning its safe here.  lol the killer – i have a westie – a natural vermin predator. vermin in this sense, wabbit hunter,  my dogs are leashed out back when they want to go out a) pa is a leash law state and b) kilo is a runner. pez the westie was so totally focused in on something by the fence that a tiny and i mean tiny wabbit got its balls up and just flew right past him with me on the ground pointing and laughing at the incompetent vermin hunter. seriously, this wittle wabbit had to have skinned him and pez didnt even notice lol.  but i think im going to get some greens and lettuce – the carrots i threw out over the last few days didnt really seem to do the trick, unless the rat bastards took them at night,   we believe they nest under our shed so i have no problem with it.  wabbits are cool.

ahh but what is NOT cool is that todays high is to be in the 90s.  not cool Socially Unattractive? you live to be wearing as little as possible so as not to be arrested type heat.  well, tis true but according to the weather troll, this heat is foreshadowing some very bad boomers later today.  tru dat but…. these could be very bad and i dont like these that are very bad. from the outside that is.

well – i got a crapload and a half to do today so i will leave you with some bb – the thrill is gone..  he’s not playing lucille but still – its bb…

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lifes the same i’m moving in stereo lifes the same except for my shoes

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lifes the same, your shakin like tremolo, lifes the same, its all inside you….. hey, wait a minute, whats that about my shoes???  yo, i like my shoes, especially my 3 inch spiked sandals. thems some smokin shoes!  damn near all my shoes are 3 inch spikes which, when i think about it is kind of funny cause im six foot tall.  for years i wore nothing but flats, until i met my beloved and he LOVES my height so it stands to reason that he loves it when i put my knock me down and fuck me heels on <seg>.  but in thinkin about it, not all my shoes are spikes, my riding boots arent (and i have to hide them from the heinous hound, who ate the heels off them once upon a time) and my tye dye sneaks are, naturally, not heels lol.  it does stand to reason you know…

but yes, you read right, we moved!  YIPPEE!! (make sure you update your records/ignorant blog suzanne, so i can add that to my federal stalking/harassment complaint, and to your parents…).  it was time.  we didn’t need all that room with the gruesome twosome grown and off to college. but oh the moving woes. oh the woes. boxing everything in the house, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of.   finding boxes.  bubble wrap for my lead crystal that was my moms and the Wedgwood china that was my dads and the assorted fine crystal/china i have.  boxes. did i mention that? oh dear lord the pit of despair – the bog of eternal stench. sigh. the bubble wrap. fighting with my boss for the boxes as he was moving as well! (i would sneak boxes out when he wasn’t looking… the never ending decisions of do we want this?  holy shit my beloved is listening to malt shop tunes. kill.me.now.  it truly amazed me the amount of crap you accumulate in all those years of living there.  i had already gone thru all the years of my kids school work and kept all the really righteous stuff they both had brought home so that was something not necessary to do. that box was clearly labeled KEEP!!!

the decision to move wasn’t solely based on the gruesome twosome’s flying away from home.  we really didn’t need all that space, its true, but we were really sick and tired of living in the woods and being terrified of the next limb that was going to come down thru the roof.  so far, we had 2 large limbs come thru the roof and one almost killed my beloved and that was during hurricane irene (suzanne, when you claim on delphi that this happened to your boyfriend, make sure you get it right – seriously everyone, my stalker has a fantasy life based not only on my life but several others as well. apparently her life is meaningless (i was told THAT by an ex-husband of hers…).  i had to work that day so i slalomed my way down 340 in sideways blown winds (man that was fun lol) and i have never seen so many dejected people outside of the neil young concert during the blizard of 83!  i called my beloved to let him know im there safe so he doesn’t worry.  i get a call a couple of hours later, he was just shy of out of his mind, he had gotten up when i called him and went to lay down on the couch. CRASH – a 15 foot limb came thru the roof about 6 inches from where he had been laying… suffice it to say i was outta there and on my way home.

but back to moving…. we looked and we looked and we blew the house down. no wait, thats a story for another day. but wherever we went, they had to take pets cause i wont live where my furry kids aren’t welcome.  so we ended up just free searching, cause the online listings sucked.  whats free searching you ask?  its just looking wherever you happen to be driving at the time.  kinda like they do on aw crap. i’ve forgotten the name of the show. um… the auction hunters? or the guys who just drive around looking for places to buy neat stuff cheap and then they resell it.  love me that show. whatever the hell that show is called but its premise is what we did to find our place.  we just looked at signs and called places.  how can you go wrong?  oh thats a helluva loaded question as you CAN go wrong, as we found out. this one place we looked at was so horrifically, disgustingly inconceivably wrong i still don’t know the place can be fit much less certified livable by the housing commission.  my beloved and i we so skeeved by it that we went straight to the bar when we were out of there.  i still shudder when i pass by it.

but we found this one place we really liked. it looked like it would be a nice intimate place for the two of us, and if they took pets, there would be plenty of space for them and it was location location location! i got the number as we drove by and called them up as we went movin right along down the road.  sho nuff, the place would be available in a few months (we were ok with that) and would we like to take a tour? we definitely would love too, but most importantly, do they take dogs? indeed they did and we set up the appointment for the next day.  we took the walk thru (and was amazed by the clutter of the current tenant – and i thought i was a slob – yikes!!!) set up our deposit and bided (boded?) our time. and started thinking about boxes… did i mention we needed boxes?  boxes are good when you are moving.

now one of the funnier, well, not things about moving were the dogs. my poor things had some separation anxiety.  ok, serious separation anxiety.  they know when they see boxes, somebody is going away.  the last time it was minime going off to college.   so on that note, i would like to refer you to allie;  from hyperbole and a half’s post dogs dont understand basic concepts like moving because they truly dont. while my heinous hounds arent quite as “special” as allies they did have quite the cow when they watched everything get boxed up all month.  then when the time came and my beloved and i left to sign the papers, my poor babies just went apenuts. i was dropped back off at our place with the first load to start unpacking and to wait for the tv guy and i told my other half PLEASE bring the dogs over now, they need it. but did he? sigh. no. so the hounds were literally going out of their little minds every time he went back for another load and left them there. finally i had to put my foot down and told him BRING THE FUCKING DOGS WITH THE NEXT LOAD OR ELSE….. he brought the dogs with the next load. smart move. so we spent some time playing with the dogs (ie getting lots of loves) and getting them introduced to our new home and taking them out back to familiarize them with the new diggs.  it took them a couple of days however to start to relax.  well truly relax. i think the pez constipated himself and kilo got the runs.  welcome to my hell. but they are adjusting well to the new run we have for them out back and the dogs on the other side of the fence.  they’ve done the equivalent of sniffing each others butts through the fence with no aggressiveness at all, which made us very happy. ok made me happy.

so i think that will end moving in stereo’s chapter one (i decided i would break up my moving woe/adjustment) into two and quite possibly three posts cause im already at 1300 words lol. holy shit 1300+ words? damn it was a long move.

so my gentle readers, i will leave you with this, so i can go outside and smoke, that i will follow up in the next post… hope the vid comes thru…

somewhere over the rainbow way up high

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some day i wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.  today is one of those days i wish i could have woken up with the clouds far behind me.  it was a year ago today that my pop passed away.  it hurts so much.  which is kind of funny considering pop and i had a love / hate relationship lol.  and its kind of funny im sitting here writing about my dad, listening to Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole and crying. why? cause i miss my dad.  who’d have thunk it? *wry grin*

i knew this day was coming for a while (but i had to ask my sister just what day it was that pop passed away because i do not remember this time last year at all) and it seemed the closer it got, well hell, the worser i got.  yes worser. i don’t care that its not a word, it is to me today. so raspberries to you. i could feel the sadness creeping closer day by day, the panic and anxiety, no matter how hard i tried to push it back it just wouldn’t budge. and above it all, the love i had for my dad despite our issues just couldn’t drive the pain away. its been 17 years since mom went home and thats a dull ache now but i dread the end of june nonetheless.  maybe that will eventually happen with pop.

this last year was a year of firsts.  our first fathers day without dad – that REALLY sucked.  memorial day, fourth of july, labor day, his birthday (that was really hard), thanksgiving christmas and new years.  those were particularly bad as pop always came to our home for dinner.  lol i have a pic of pop sleeping on the couch with kilo sound asleep beside him.  pop and tom always passed out after dinner.  and now i wont have that anymore and it still makes me sad and hurts.

i got the text a couple weeks ago from my sister that his cat Bach passed away.  i know pop is happy now though, he’s got both his babies with him.  coclet passed away several years ago. that was the first time i saw my dad cry in lord, 30 years? he was heart broken, he had planned on going out with coclet.  he brought coclet to tom and i so we could bury him and he was totally destroyed.  coclets grave is out back.  every time pop came over, he went over to coclets headstone and talked to him for a few minutes before coming in. pop loved animals. there was never any doubt about that.  when i was a little girl, he found a bunny on the side of the road that was injured.  he somehow picked it up, brought it home and took it to the vet the next day.  whatever happened to it i don’t remember, but that was my dad.  my dogs absolutely ADORED pop. now they bark at EVERYTHING that comes down the driveway, especially pez , and that stupid little dog barks at leaves, but when pops car pulled into the driveway – they ran to the window and started dancing, they KNEW pop pop was here and had treats for them. not a single bark came out of their mouths, but the happy whines – pop pop’s here, pop pop’s here!!!

when i first started socially unattractive a couple of years ago, i wrote a tribute to my dad. then made him read it lol. he always told me when i was growing up that i should be a writer, how all my teachers thought i should be a writer, blah blah blah.  but i once took a class on writing and we had to write a short story and the teacher, a published author actually told me i should write but partying took first place in my life lol.  but i wrote about my dad, how he was an awesome dad despite being such a bastard.  i wrote about how he would stock my sisters and i up with goodies for mischief night with instructions on which house to hit and when we came back empty handed, he went out and got more eggs and toilet paper lol.  how alix and i wanted a bottle of rum and he went out and got it.  at least i think i remember that – i do remember al and i riding to delaware in the back of a pick up to get a bottle and damn that was a cold night lmsao.   but pop read what i wrote, thanked me for it and told me he loved me.  that is a rarity.

naturally pop and i spent years at loggerheads with each other.  pop, a 3 figure iq attorney who actually did know it all, and me, a hippie born 15 years too late desperate to do things my way and get out from under my parents control.  those were some interesting times lol.  see i can laugh at it now! 😉  but then… sigh.  but he did try to encourage my sisters and i in things that we loved.  music is the only thing i love with all my being (my butthead notwithstanding).  so i was going to concerts damn near every weekend for about 4 years.  i knew every shady character at the spectrum on a first name basis lol but those truly are some of the best memories i have.  oh shit – pop taking me to my first concert –  i went alone to styx and he walked me to the door. how fucking embarrassing is that???? lmsao.

then along came the grandkids.  do we really need to go there?  pop was the.quintessential.poppop. the world rose and set on my kids – and then my sisters kids when they finally came along. there was no cost too expensive, nothing that was out of his reach for them.  *chuckling* my dad taught my kids from an early age how to sign a chit at aronomink. well hell, he did that with us when we were growing up.  we learned to swim there in the 70’s and my kids learned to swim there in the 90’s/00’s.  i have happy memories of the club and the bad bear button <seg>.  i can only hope my kids have the same. i rarely went there with them when pop took them – tattoo’s generally were frowned upon… but then again, i never liked to infringe on pop’s time with the kids. the only times we did were the annual pop trips to great adventure or hershey park. those were some fun times, just like they were when we were kids.  i am so glad though that pop got to watch my kids grow up. but it makes me sad though that my kids now have an empty spot in their lives where pop was in their heart.  they dont remember gram and how she worshiped them and the ground they learned to walk on. but i do. my mom loved those two so very much. so i told minime this morning to think happy thoughts for pop pop today and that he would be looking down on her and her brother, beaming with pride and love.  he will always be with them.

and maybe me.  i miss you so much dad. but i love you more.

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