yes gentle readers, you guessed right – its JAWS! that damn movie that kept me outta the jersey ocean for damn near 30 years now.  ok, mebbe i went in up to my waist once or twice in these last 30 years but that was IT!  that was knowing that the great white can come in to water that is waist deep for me, me being 6 foot. *shakes head at my incredible stupidity*.

so, why am i writing about big scary sharks now?  weeelllll, i was watching the news this morning and happened to catch a story bout a great white sighting off the coast of somewhere maine. whew i thought. better them then here at my shore!  but then i happened to listen a little bit more and i think i heard of another sighting of a great white somewhat closer to me and i was displeased.  its not like i have any intention of going to the shore mind you, its just the fact that should my dear heart and i decide to get a wild hair and go to the shore for the day and night (ie sleeping on the beach, it doesnt get any more romantic than that providing you dont get caught) i dont want to be shark snack.  reasonable isnt it?  i certainly think so and considering that ive spent the majority of my life avoiding places where there are critters bigger and meaner than i am, i think that is a perfectly responsible ideal.

ive never gone camping, tent camping to be precise and rv camping isnt high on my list of things either as bears can get in there as well. bears are bigger and meaner than i am. hence my rationale for not camping.  i did go deep water fishing once but that was when i was a kid and 8 foot tall and sharkproof.  i say 8 foot tall as when you are around 12 and under, you’re only 8 foot tall as opposed to being your normal 10 foot tall and bullet proof when you are a teenager.  best thing about that trip was that i caught, with the help of my dad, a 17 pound grouper.  i almost won the prize for the largest catch of the day!  now we were out  and i mean way out in the ocean in a safe seafaring vessel.  and i was a kid and afraid of nothing (this was pre jaws, whew).

but then…. peter benchely and stephen spielberg had to totally destroy my 10 year old life when jaws came out.  precience was more than adequate: You’ll never go in the water again! and i’ll be damned if i didnt go in the ocean for years.  no fucking way was i going into a sea where there were critters bigger and meaner than me especially after hearing those immortal words: they’re going to need a bigger boat.

aw fuck.

you’ll never go in the water again…

i really gotta work on my insert picture skills. hmmm.  even when i graduated highschool and went to the shore for 3 glorious drunken weeks i didnt go anywhere near the ocean lol. even when my friends deserted me and left me to find my own way back home i didnt go into the sea lol.  i always found that amusing about my friends back then.  i paid for everything, they took everything and split, or used it all and didnt reimburse or turn me on etc.  i never saw it back then but i do now. they used the hell out of me, my best friend especially, and i shake my head at my own stupidity/insecurity. but its all good. karma’s my handmaiden and quite a bitch!

i once remember my dad telling me about his sister who lived somewhere at the jersey shore. she was a realtor (and her kids are too) – i have vague memories of aunt sis – happy memories – and happy memories are few and far between for me – but he had told her that he and i think my uncle paul, not sure had been out in the bay and saw a shark.  she told him no, you didnt.  pop said sis – we saw a shark!  lol and she told him al, you most certainly did NOT see a shark. if you saw a shark, i would lose bookings! lmsao.  now granted that was a very long time ago but still – i can see her reasoning lol.  i do have some memories of being at the shore as a very little girl visiting my gram and aunt sis and i treasure those memories shark or no shark lol. aunt sis would make chocolate chip cookies and i would have chocolate chip cookies and milk with gram and aunt sis and one of her cats, but i dont remember that name and with pop gone, i’ll never know that again.

even as a landlubber, ive always lived within a 3 hour ride from the shore. i cant imagine living anywhere else or being totally landlocked. there is something about sitting on the beach looking out into infinity, the sound of the waves swooshing on the beach on a quiet day, sea gulls crying, flying and swooping down trying to snatch some kind of food out of your hand.  its calming. the salt air helps you sleep at night along with the sound of waves crashing on the beach.  i swear the best sleep ive ever had was at the shore.

but now thats all gone again.  well not gone, just relegated to the closet in the back of my mind because of that damned shark sighting. i know. i know dammit. i know that if we take a ride down to the shore there will be a great white sighting at the shore im at.  and i know that i know that i know that bastard will be looking for me and i sure as hell aint gonna be a shark snack.

queue scary jaws theme music…..