gentle readers.  boy do i love U2.  ive seen them 2 or 3 times (not sure, i don’t remember things very well lol). but one of my best and most favorite all time concerts was the joshua tree tour. wow. then again, it was a couple of days after major surgery and im there at the stadium with a pillow, just in case lol.  oh the things I’ve done to have a good time… 😉

but yes its a beautiful day – today is the day my beautiful daughter turns 23.  or 24.  im not quite sure – math is not one of my better subjects (she’s 23, i found the calculator lol).  interestingly enough, she’s a physics and applied mathematics dual major. don’t know where she got the math bwains from.  wasnt me.  or the rest of her bwains – she’s brilliant, genius or genius plus level brilliant.  butthead and i were cleaning out the shed (where we stashed everything when we moved) to decide what to keep and what to shred.  all the kids stuff was natch a keeper (oh the smiles and near tears) and i found the SAT’s she took when she was in the gifted program in early middle school and she scored low to mid 400’s in math and reasoning.  wow. middle school. ms geek she was and a proud geek she was!  I couldn’t be more proud of her.  or amazed. or bewildered.  my daughter is an enigma.

and now she is an adult. hmm.  not sure if I really like that lol. but it doesn’t matter if I like it or not, time marches on, things change, daughters grow up. and grow up she has. college suits her, if it was up to her, she would be a student forever.  she did not get that from me.  I was talking to my little sister earlier and I told her I remember her holding my infant daughter, she was so small.  my sister said she was so beautiful and she was. so tiny and perfect. so utterly intimidating.  I was totally terrified of this precious little thing I had given birth to. but we learned together, with the help of my mom, how to be a mother and daughter.  as butthead and I were cleaning out the shed today, I found my fantasia tape – KEEPER!  but I also hope I managed to save the little mermaid, her favorite movie. we. watched. that. movie. every. day. several. times. a. day. lol. and i know her tiny little fingerprints are all over it.  I close my eyes…

but if it even looked like it was or smelled like barney its long gone.  I hate that purple dinosaur.

but back to my beautiful adult daughter lol. she’ll be graduating in may.  she’s had her entire senior year paid for by scholarship. if it was anyone else, i would be – that’s so cool!  but with my daughter, im not surprised or amazed. i just shake my head and smile.  it’s just another spark in the brilliant fire that is her life.  she is totally focused on her life, her upcoming career, her fiancée.  i have no idea how i managed to raise such an incredible success/i cant think of the word i want, so i would like to thank butthead, her step dad.  i blame him totally for everything she has become.  i was just the cook, maid, laundry lady and cheerleader lol.  oh yeah – chauffeur.  i was driving miss daisy constantly lol.  but if it was not for him, i don’t think i would have been able to have done it.  so thank you honey.  thank you for helping me create the most incredible kid/adult/daughter the world will see.  i could not have done it on my own.  but daughter mine, when kilo crosses the Rainbow Bridge, the pezzinator is yours. again.  come and get him lol.  i have enough anxiety in my life, his separation anxiety will make me nuttier than i already am lol.

now, my little girl is getting married in may, she’s grown up and is now flying the coop.  going off to college was bad enough, now she’s really leaving home. sigh. she’s starting a family all on her own.  a part of me hates that.  i guess that’s natural, i want to keep my kids close, to protect them from this world we live in now. it’s not the world i grew up in. its dangerous, cruel and i cant handle the thought of anything happening to my daughter or son, anything taking away the innocence before its natural time. i don’t want them to grow up and grow away. i have to protect them but i know i cant, i know its life. something ive never been fond of but it is what it is. holy crap, i just realized ive turned into my father. todays her birthday and i contacted my son and reminded him to call his sister on her birthday – something my dad did to me on my sisters birthdays. omg. and i contacted both my sisters too!!!.  looking up – pop, your legacy lives on!!  may my family forgive me lol.

i think of how she’s changed over the years, from the shyish youngster she was, thru the band geek highschool years to the confident, mature, funny beautiful woman she’s become. and i smile to the amazing brilliant star she will be.  sunny – i will leave you with this –  life’s most valuable lesson and words of wisdom.  because i love you.

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
It was a beautiful day
ps – i found your hanson ticket  and boy have i forgotten how smokin hot bono is. 😉