yes gentle readers, i said epic spills. i seem to have had a knack for them this last week and not just any spills.  not just little spills that you wipe down with a damp cloth. im talking about EPIC spills. spills that take over a counter, counter and floor, counter floor and me, and oops, table and laptop (argh). the laptop was, while not as bad at counter, counter and floor, counter floor and me, particularly bad as it is my laptop after all – my link to the outside world. my ability to piss off people on a global scale.  my ability to keep in touch with the people i truly care about (next to my beloved and my beyond incredible children).

so lets start with epic spill number 1.  someone at work had left a large cup of hot chocolate standing lost and alone on the counter behind me. they didn’t move it.  they didn’t mention it to anyone, they just left it there (please note that i am now making an attempt at something that resembles proper grammar, even though i hate it). who in their right mind leaves a large cup of hot chocolate lost and alone on a counter for cryin out loud? was it a mistaken order? was it their hot chocolate that they made but forgot to put it on the back counter where we keep our drinks. i do not know.  what i do know however is that while taking care of a customer, i turned around and there, there on the counter behind me in the direct path of my arm, was a large hot chocolate.

now some people might say yo – sa – (i knew it, my beloved who hasnt said very much to me today has now started talking to me while i’m blogging….) what the hell are you talking about – how can a cup be in the direct path of your arm? well, i AM 6 foot tall and have the unnatural length of arm and leg (hence the long time nickname legs) that comes with great height. but i digress.  i turned around to make the customer a drink and there, there sitting all alone on the counter, feeling forlorn i’m sure, was the large cup of hot chocolate directly in the path of my hand.  SWOOOOSH went my hand to cup and hot chocolate went flying all over the counter, under the coffee and hot chocolate makers and cup holders – everywhere.  i never really “got” the actual volume of liquid in a large cup, until now.  i also never realized just how much of a pain in the ass it is to clean up hot chocolate.  it doesn’t really wipe up like water does or coffee for that matter. it seems to be like dairy products. it doesn’t want to be cleaned up. it leaves smears on the counter and it dirties up the cleaning sanitizing solution remarkably fast.  ie, it takes some time to truly clean it up off the counter.

epic spill for the win number 1 alex.

we now have one epic spill down.  time for number two.  im a coffee whore.  i live for coffee, i also sling coffee and im damn good at it, and all my customers rave about my coffee (as opposed to the others, and other shops).  i have a routine and i get extremely pissed off when i go to pour a cup and my carafes are half full and or empty.  dammit monitor your own fucking coffee area and leave mine alone.  mine is well run and fully prepared for anything that comes my way. until the other day.

i can get very busy running the front counter by myself.  i’m the only one who does it, the kids certainly can’t be bothered to help me out. they would rather stay in the back bullshitting in spanish to each other.  so i deal with it. i don’t mind. i get more done that way and my work ethic has been recognized by upper management.  and upper management and i get along very well – those years i spent in corporate america apparently did me some good. that and a sense of humor always makes things go smoother. but again, i digress lol.  so i run the front counter alone. i can get very busy up front waiting on customers and running/slinging coffee and keeping my customers happy. and im fast. very fast. its like i have eyes not only in the back of my head but on the side of my head as well. that enables me to keep an eye on my coffee perker so i can have several carafes running at speed, with the grounds container (i honestly have no idea what to call it) always fresh and ready to brew another carafe.

its almost like juggling. your arms are going in several directions at the same time, ringing up the sale, then you’re moving down to get the cup, measuring sugars, creams, flavors then grabbing the carafe and at times the grounds container at the same time to dump it to ensure that a fresh pot will be brewing shortly as when my carafe gets to a certain point, i dump it and start a new pot. i expect fresh coffee for myself so i make fresh coffee for my customers. my hands are literally flying thru the air with the greatest of ease. at times its fun to watch. like the other day… my second epic spill.

im waiting on a customer, the line not all that long fortunately. without thinking and only glancing at the carafe, i poured the cup of coffee and grabbed the container of used grounds in order to dump and refill.  as im swinging around (seriously, its like a ballet), a half full container of water and grounds went flying thru the air, over the counter, the floor, and me.  when i glanced at it, it was not filling the carafe nor was it dripping indicating that it was filling the carafe. i have no idea what on earth it was doing other than flying through the air and landing all over everything.  all i could do was stand there and laugh.  there were wet grounds of coffee on the counter, the coffee brewer, the dairy dispenser, the coffee lid rack, the suger rack (for spenda, etc) the entire counter, all over me and the floor. and thats not mentioning the liquid that i have no idea how it could have been in there as there was a full carafe.  my manager just shook his head and went to get the mop to clean it up lol. i stood there and laughed.  it truly was a scene to behold.

epic spill for the win number 2 alex.

that leaves us with the epic spill number 3 gentle readers. while technically not an epic spill, it had the potential to be an epic spill simply because it would have had a very unpleasant effect on my life.  the other night, i had a case of the oopsies. it seemed like about everything i touched, i knocked over.  i was taking great pains gentle readers to avoid anything near my laptop – my only contact with the outside world. im working between watching tv and playing on my forums with my friends, a nightly endeavor. i had managed to knock the ashtray over, my phone off the table, my smokes to the other end of the table, it was certainly a banner night at sa’s house.  i have never been so clumsy.

i had decided that i was ready for bed. i was tired, i get up at dark thirty for work. i went to power off my laptop and there, there on the table, placed precariously close to said laptop was my iced tea. im sure you know what happened next. as i reached for my laptop, started the power off sequence, i closed the laptop and yes, i spilled my iced tea all over the table and my laptop.  i don’t think i’ve ever moved that quick before and im not sure if i screamed or not. in the blink of an eye, i snatched up my laptop holding it down so the tea would drip down rather than into the brain. fuck. fuckedy fuckedy fuck was all i could think.  i then ran to get a towel so i could make sure my baby was dry and that nothing was going to get into it.  screw the table, this is my laptop!  once i ensured its survival, then i went to clean up the table.

i’ll take epic spills for the win alex.