just a song before i go a lesson to be learned travelling twice the speed of sound its easy to get burned

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yes gentle readers, im swinging downward and im really hoping i don’t crash and burn. that really sucks.  but more than that, i just found that this tune by csny just fit my mood and some issues that happened recently very well.  the incidents i shall not speak about albeit to say there are some harsh lessons to be learned and to have to live with regret will haunt them for years.  that makes me sad.

christ on a bicycle who cares about jerry sandusky. he’s going to die in jail. as it should be. changing the channel. ive got an episode of bridezillas to watch. i know, i know – but its amusing!  i just don’t understand how people go on these shows (read jersey shore – honey boo boo) and then look at their families in the face. what on glods green earth has become of this generation?  especially honey boo boo – a show i will NOT watch. that just gives that type of programming/family raising attention. negative attention to be specific. besides when i look at honey boo boo and wonder how the hell she gets crowned is beyond me, and when i look at her family i get the creeps. *shuddering* eeewwww.

hmm lets take a short walk in the wayback machine and review the weekend.  ahh what a fucking cold weekend it was and my friends patti, kim and i were at the delaware valley abate’s party the fall down ball.  had the weather been nicer (lets talk cold and WINDY) and it been held in oh say august lol there would have been a bigger attendance.  but it was what it was and it was a whole lot of fun.  pat, kim and i were there as vendors as kim is the owner/artist of Thoughts 2 Reality Sterling Silver Jewelry.  im now in the midst of creating a blog for her in order for her to get a presence online and sell her jewelry. it truly is lovely, she gave me a gorgeous silver and lapis pair of earrings – i’ve been wanting lapis for a very long time.  im saving my money to buy one of her slave bracelets (freakin gorgeous!!) as a dear friend of mine had a very bad accident (he fell off a porch with a desk), broke femur in 3 places, crushed wrist and broke his hand among ribs etc.  my friends are holding a fundraiser and raffle to raise money for him – he wont be going back to work for quite some time. it breaks my heart. i adore him to no end.  if there is anyone else out there who believes in paying it forward and would like to contribute, email me thru my about tab and i will give you the contact info.  but back to the fucking cold party (is anyone seeing a pattern here?) free food, free beer/drinks bike games and a very good band Storm.  i take my music seriously and when i say very good,i mean they WERE very good.  lol the delaware dominant was there and two of their proby’s were hawking for donations for a brother who recently passed away and had 4 daughters.  i followed them up to a tent up at the top of the hill and waited till they were done and approached them with a) honey, pull your damn pants up! (i HATE that lol) and b) i only have $10. how much is the moonshine, it would be $10 for jenny right? and i winked at the one proby and we all had a good laugh.  i gave them the tenspot and turned away and they said but what would you like?  um, nothing.  your brother went down and he had 4 daughters – that’s enough for me.  but you have to take something – how about a shirt? (now im thinking of the pa dom – my “family”, they’re the same but i will not wear anything that may upset them) and i just said no, its ok, i don’t need anything. and the tall one with the perpetually low jeans said how about a hat?  i said ok if you keep your damn jeans up! lol.  here’s my shout out to um never mind. i have a truly disturbed stalker and i don’t want anything to happen to her if she tries to get involved with more revenge against me.  huh would you believe she’s been at it for four years now?

we started packing up around dark, cold and dark lol and had a bitch of a time pulling the tent up and getting it to collapse properly.  thank you delval abate again for the help lol.  stupid little button just wouldn’t push so we could collapse it.  off we go, kim made her money back and then some – we’re working on her to understand that its going to take a while for her to make back all she made the week before and she already had a nice nest egg of jewelry to sell. but this was a great learning experience for all of us with regards to setting up a booth, how to do it in the wind (sheepish glance) and how much to bring.  i got home late naturally, it was dark and cold after all. told my beloved how the day went (he didn’t notice my 1%r hat for a while lol) and boy was i tired. oh boy was i tired. so off i went to put the electric blankey on the bed, turned it on high and get my jammies on cause goin to bed was happening very soon. it must have been soon cause i have very little memory of the rest of the night lol,.  but i need to make a huge thank you shout out to donna – if not for her, we never would have found it.  thank you donna , its been much too long.  i love you, ((((((donna)))))))

ahhh sunday.  Sundays are always good. start the morning off with church services ( i loves me some dr charles stanley – he makes me think, and feel loved by God). i think i even woke up in time for one of them, in touch (dr stanleys show).  most times im on my puter but listening to the service, but sunday – i put the puter down. for all our services. i needed to hear them. and then the bone-chill made itself present. remember, it was COLD AND WINDY saturday. i stayed in my jammies all day wrapped up in a blankey but the headache started, the bone aches started – i was not feeling well.  bayer migraine, advil, i love you. and that’s not forgetting xanax. it helps me relax when i get upset.  and richard, if you are still getting this, much less reading it – please tell alix im not in it for the drugs. xanax is the only med i take that could be construed as a *drug* and i take it as little as possible.  then tell her fuck you alix. you were wrong and your insistence to know everything about my treatment was out of line. then again there isnt a line she hasnt crossed lol. or at least said hello to lol.  or screwed or snorted lmsao.  but asides from that lol, i then proceeded to spend all day wrapped in my jammies, robe and blankey on the couch alternating from nap, to watching whatever good was on, to nap and you get the picture.  money was just as bad sans the terrible head ache and the body aches were taken care of with advil but i just was not going anywhere. but to sleep lol.

now ive made a couple of references to my stalker. i have reason to believe she is on the prowl again.  this time she not only admitted to trying to get a friend of mine fired from her job, she flat-out admitted she’s having my friends daughters work computer ghosted every night and audited.  those are illegal offences, can we say hacking?? – does this sound like a sane mind?  then i come to find someone called the police at my sons college claiming to be me.  im in touch with the campus police, so i can get the date, the recording of the call and the phone number.  suzanne arundale, i truly believe that was you and if you DIDNT think all that information and call wasnt recorded well you truly are dumber than whaleshit.  when i have the information, i. will. destroy. your. world.  you were warned before not to interfere with my children, specifically in the response to your silly email not to delete crap – which i forwarded to one of the DA’s of Rhode Island, who is your cousin. i think it was about then you disappeared from delphi which you are lifetime banned from, but that never stops you. i was then very amused to find out you were legally proven sane.  not for long.  if you are truly stupid enough to go after my daughter…  but enough of the dumb cunt. she doesn’t deserve even this much time.

did i mention its getting cold out?  and that i hate the cold?  get used to it gentle readers lol. cause i hate the cold. living in the philly burbs (far western burbs by lancaster) means we get cold every winter.  rumour has it that we’re going to get hammered like we did several years ago with snow. you have been warned gentle readers it might get ugly for the next couple of months.  i have to stock up on vodka and cranberry, capn’ morgans and hmm its a toss-up between my beloved yukon jack and tellamore dew.  smoooooooth.  if its going to be snowy like they said, so long as i have my booze, im cool. don’t need to worry bout food, the iga is next door lmsao.  all those windowlickers who flock to the stores at the very mention of a snowflake wont beat me there this time lol.

ahhh gentle readers. this is one of the things i like about writing. it makes the unhappies go away. or it shuts the voices down a bit.  but it also makes me sad to know that there are some people out there who have some very hard lessons to learn and that they will have to live with regret, i find unhappy. it happens, but there are some forms of regret that live with you forever and wake you up in the middle of the night saying oh man what have i done?  but sometimes that comes far too late to make nice, to say i was wrong im sorry, to love again, to make amends. and a sad note, my ex lives with that, if he allowed himself to realize that it was not all my fault and he seriously fucked up. it’s not even half my fault or a quarter. and he never once said im sorry i hurt you jen. and on that note…

just a song before i go to whom it may concern, travelling twice the speed of sound its easy to get burned.

and it’s because of bryan that i hate, utterly hate the song life in the fast lane.

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i hear you knockin

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but you cant come in… that gentle readers is my nice and sweet shout out to the washington dc “patrons” who’ve decided that rather haveing 3 or 4 iphones come and harass,um visit me daily, now send one and maybe 2 gubbermint embarassments to wander around my blog seeing what im talking about now.  lol and we pay these whack jobs to sit at a coffee shop on their  iphone 5.1.1, ip 198.228.200.33 computer id 524ae1a481243315b3839e0c8d25ec00 at 11 am this morning, or on the 18th at10.51am on computer id 328920874c42f5a1addb36f11ccb7ee4, ip addy 198.228.200.22.  note the different ip address?  and they think they’re so smart, which is most likely why some dc overpaid and overrated gubbermint bureaucrat hired them lol.  i used to think that we had the greatest nation in the world.  now i got some dumbass yahoo’s in dc coffeeshops “monitoring” my blog.  guess what boys – you keep showing up, i keep posting your iphones info for everyones amusement and with luck, for just the right person out there will upon my blog and can hack into your fone for shits and giggles.  oh the joy that will bring me.  rock paper scissors lizard spock boys – you lay off me, i will lay off you.  ask my family just how stubborn and cruel i can be.

speaking of family gentle readers, my darling daugher should be finishing up her research project thingy and heading back to college soon.  i could not be more proud of her.  that and having her senior year paid for by scholarship?  amazing. but she has always been amazing so i dont know why im surprised.  but that kid has always surprised and amazed me – from the moment at 2 or mebbe 3 years old when she told me, her father and family did you know that dog spelled backwards is God.  what child at that ages can come up with such a complex thought and express it so eloquently?  she most definitly inherited my fathers bwains and i know he lives on thru her and i am so pleased as i miss my dad so much (so long as she did not pick up his habit of being at work even when at home – my familys joke was if dads lips are moving and he’s not talking, he’s at the office.  pop was at the office 95% of the time lol).  i also can not thank my sister bear enough for what she did for tom and i and for things i didnt know, (now that the family gossip passed away 2 years ago lol) if you have a secret its kept lol.  bear – if you ever read this, thank you.  thank you so much for what you and little bro did for my daughter.  again, i am in your debt.  it annoys the hell out of me that im kept out of the loop of things, but that is my family after all.  im the black sheep and will always be considered as such and im cool with it.  i know that i know that i know that i can (well, mebbe not) count on my sisters for things that i simply can not do.  and mer, i am so very very sorry.  i hope you can forgive me.  i was angry and took it out on everyone.  this one we’ll need to talk on the phone because my stalker still has her little syncophants (they dont know how nuts she is yet) reading here and what i need to say is none of their business, but since i still dont know when your birthday is, how bout you call me on your birthday – if you want to talk.  i’ll understand if you dont. its all good.

then we have my son – my pride and joy.  my blue eyed boy.  he as you read earlier, just turned 20 and has turned into one helluva man – and i again, could not be more proud.  he had some lessons to learn in his first year of college and i think it taught him some lessons that you can only learn by doing it yourself.  we could have talked to him till we were blue in the face but it wouldnt have mattered – my boy’s just like me – you dont learn anything until you experience it yourself.  than and only then does it have any meaning for you.  but my son is smart enough to realize that and now has a different perspective on things – he grew from the experiecne.  that is something that in this day and age, does not happen that often as to many parents want to be friends with their kids and let their kids get away with murder, want to make their kids mistakes for them or dont even want to admit their little darlings could do wrong. thems some fucked up parents and is it honestly any wonder the kids are the way they are today (can we say whiny ows kids)????  its the parents who are willing to make the hard decisions for the good of their kids even when that decision eviscerates their heart and soul, and alienates your son, who have kids who are responsible, honest and worthy of being called Men and Women, upstanding citizens, true Americans.  i was willling to do that and alienate my son, the child of the other half of my heart because i knew the road he was going down and i did not want him to end up like me. maybe someday he will understand and forive me, but again, it was worth it to get him off the track he was on. bu we did talk a lot, we enjoyed going to the mall and shop then have lunch (m’boy’s beyond awesomesauce) but even when out on the road, we’d talk. i kept every one of those secrets my son. and i always will.  but man oh man does that boy have a sense of humor.  i will never ever forget driving him and a couple of his friends somewhere, mebbe the mill to go swimming and some song came on the radio (we had a deal, when he was with me, we’d listen to his music.. memories lol) and that boy sang whatever song it was as if it was coming from his heart.  im honestly surprised i didnt wreck jeepster i was laughing so hard.  my son is so fucking funny its awesome!  as for role models, next to my daughter, you cant find any better!

sigh – the dogs days of august are slowly coming to an end. its the 19th and its cold outside.  now understand gentle readers, cold to me is anything under 80 and if i have to put socks on i am especially pissed.  i do not like this weather. i do not like it no i dont.  my beloved likes it as its not to hot, not to cold and its coming upon the months of pleasantry – the 2 months of when he’s pleasant! FALL – not too hot, not too cold lol.. perfect weather for him. until the winter months close in and hes a pain in my ass, its too cold, i hate the cold, im not going to make it till spring (yes you will honey just shut up and get under another blanket) until spring when it not to hot, not too cold lol. and he’s pleasant again. but in between, during the winter when we get to layer on the cloths and watch our electric bill skyrocket (which i’ll be interested in seeing as this last month we’ve had our ac on practically all month and it was only around $85!!!).  that is why i wear as little as humanly possible during the summer months – so i can soak up as heat as i can to get me thru the winter.  i can only hope this winter will be fairly mild – but cold enough to kill the fleas and ticks and assorted bugs and ickys so the dogs will have fewer issues next year.  cause i really hate layering on clothes. 😦  but i do like keeping the bedroom window open at night.  sleeping with the cold air is a blessing considering i only sleep in a tank top and a light blanket lol.   my beloved lasts maybe an hour before he heads for the hills (ie the living room where its warm lol).

but we’ll be happy all snuggled up here in the hobbit house, with the hounds curled up on the floor naturally making it an obstacle course trying to find our way to the kitchen.  my beloved and i curled up on the couch trying to find something decent on tv and just reveling in each others company (and warmth lol).  now we just have to find a place for our charlie brown christmas tree lol.  but we have our home.  a home that is filled with love and lots of laughs.  i could not have possibly asked or expected anything better than this.  i am truly blessed.  despite the damn concussions i occasionally get when i forget to duck…..

and my gentle readers, i leave you with this – i hear you knockin, and im sure you know why:  <weseg>

whats the right thing, whats the right song, the right words

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to tell your son HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! specially when he’s turned 20 and you’ve exhausted skynyrds simple man and aw crap, that awesome cover by the band whos name i just cant remember right now but i LOVE the cover band and no. im not going there with the beatles. that is beyond exhausted lol.  i dont know much hip hop so i cant use anything there (but mebbe i’ll buzz pedro and see if he knows any hip hop happy birthday tunes lol).

once again, im not with him on his birthday and i’ve hated that for years.  when my kids were growing up, they spent august with my sister in florida.  and part of that vakay was where we would go when we were kids, longboat key.  oh how i miss that place,  but i can close my eyes and on the mental movie screen, i can watch the reruns of my young youth, remember some of the pics we had (one of my sister driving my uncle pauls boat is one of the ones i remember clearest – and me, both my sisters and my cousin stuby on the beach with a fish one of us had caught – either my little sis or stuby).  they BOTH loved fishing, my sister still does it as often as she can.  but my sister and my dad made sure my kids had fantastic vacations and something precious to remember.  and i owe at least that much to my sister and my dad.  i can never be able to thank them enough.  but my sons birthday happens to be in august when he was with my sister (and i wont go into the days between, sad sigh). sooooo, i never saw my boy on his birthday which really sucked.  i’d call every year and talk to him, and hear his voice, close my eyes and see those blue eyes of his but….   i wish my sister would make copies of all the pics she has and send them to me.

i think back to when i was pregnant and i took boy to his first concert – gun n roses (one of the ones when axhole actually showed up) and looked down and said: LISTEN UP BOY, IT DONT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!! and he rolled around in response!  i remember being at my best friends house and seeing my sillohette in the garden rooms window and in a horrified voice – i look like a whale!  2 days later, i went into labor and she took me to the hospital but it was false labor – tuck, your aunt kadiedid almost made it there for your real birthday!  i wish she had been there!  and sho nuff lol, 2 days after she left to go back north, you made your appearance in the world.  i give you serious props bud – 4 hours labor, start to finish, and by the time i wanted the drugs doc said too late, your having the babe.  i said, doc, i dont think you understand. GIVE ME DEMEROL NOW. and doc said, again, no, you’re having the baby!! you showed up shortly after that. au natural.. sigh. 😉

now here you are.  off to college. gone from the house and dammitalltohell you’re sisters gone too and i hate it. i wish you both were here cause i miss you and i miss you and your sister so freaking much i cant stand it.  sure dad and i are enjoying the quiet <seg> but on the same hand, its too quiet, i dont like that emptiness where you once were, i dont like the change.  i wish the parenthood manual came with that disclaimer.  being warned would not have changed anything but then again, maybe being warned would have helped.

doubt it.

it sucks

i miss you so much.

and i still have no song for you on your birthday. im wracking my brains. all im getting is and i have no idea why is tom petty and the heartbreakers “here comes my girl” – you love tom almost as much as i did. probably because i was with that band from damn the torpedos and saw them 4 times lol. lurves me some tp!   the last time i saw tom petty was with your dad and, im on the tom petty site and im fairly certain it was full moon fever tour. before that i saw – damn the torpedos, hard promises and long after dark!  most excellent band!!!

ahh.  i have it.  i will give you something of me, something we both love.  Happy Birthday My Son.  I am so very, very proud of you.

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